Previously, on Total Divas: Nia Jax made like five million jerkoff motions, Nattie threw people under the bus indiscriminately, and we met Buddy Murphy. We also found out Miz and Maryse are getting a spinoff, which is very important.
YOU GET TO DRINK FROM THE FIRE HOSE
The Bellas and Nia Jax take a tour of a New York fire station during SummerSlam weekend, and it’s pretty wonderful. They scare themselves with sirens and lights, accidentally drench a bunch of cars with a fire hose, and generally are the Total Divas at a fire station. I love it. They announce they’ll be throwing a Sex and the City-themed party at said station, but really all I can keep thinking about is how I wanted to get the Total Divas version of this, and never got it:
Natalya Is The Worst At Everything, Part A Billion
Naomi and Natalya arrange to get voice/acting lessons from a vocal coach, and full-on ditch Lana on the way to that appointment (more on that in a bit). He teaches them how to do some warm-ups and how to project their voices. Natalya is bad at all those things, which is a great way to build up to her winning the Smackdown Women’s Championship at SummerSlam at the end of this episode.
Please, PLEASE enjoy the above clip, where someone who has been on national television every week for the past several years is unable to confidently say her uncle’s catchphrase to an empty theater. There is an even more soul-draining clip later in the episode where Nattie and Naomi fake-smack-talk in the middle of Times Square, and I am sparing you all from having to watch that, as I watched it once and my skeleton jumped clean out of my body from awkwardness. You’re welcome!
Come back, skeleton!