Last time, on Total Divas: Maryse tried to give Alexa Bliss a makeover, Nattie set a world record for being bad at babysitting, and Lana was told she would never get to wrestle again.
Let’s dive into this week’s episode and the most ridiculous and sublime moments contained in season 7, episode 3 of Total Divas.
Lana Goes Into Business For Herself
After being told last week by ICE COLD MARK CARRANO that WWE is pulling the plug on the “Lana is a wrestler” experiment and in no uncertain terms that she’s dunzo, Lana sees a picture of her shoulder being up during the three-count in her final match. So against Natalya’s advice of how it could look bad, Lana tweets the picture at Daniel Bryan and asks for a rematch, since she was robbed.
In a shock to no one, this leads to her getting pulled aside by Carrano again and sternly spoken at, admonished for going into business for herself, and warned to never, ever do anything like this again. But he says in what will “probably” be a one-time-only situation, she’s actually going to get what she asked for, and will receive a rematch. He tells her she can feel free to tell Nattie and everyone else backstage that it’s a “probably” one-time-only thing, and that no one else should get any bright ideas. Lana does go talk to Nattie, but specifically does not tell her that.
We’ll get back to the Lana stuff in a minute here. None of the Lana stuff is on the WWE or Total Divas YouTube channels. I’m not sure what that means.
Road Trippin’
Brie convinces Nikki to drive with her through the desert with Birdie from Arizona to San Diego. Nikki grudgingly agrees. She shows up in a typical Nikki Bella outfit and it keeps splitting all to hell, and that’s just the start of her troubles. She finds out that a road trip with a baby consists of many stops, breast feeding at truck stops, and farts aplenty. At least they get to stop for the famous Palm Springs date shake!
The highlight of this road trip is abundantly clear: it’s when Nikki uses the word “bulldozer” when she means “boulder,” and when Brie calls her out on it, it turns out neither of them know what a bulldozer is. THIS IS THE BEST SHOW.
Whoops I Glowed
In this week’s second installment of ladies going into business for themselves, Naomi seeks to skip all the bureaucratic red tape of getting idea approved, and sends her championship belt off to get lights installed in it, making it the first-ever customized women’s title in WWE. She gets it back and it looks great, but she understands the risk she’s taking going over WWE’s head and gets this done against her husband’s advice. Theres a trend here.
Mark Carrano has to pull Trin aside and give her possibly the sternest talking-to I’ve seen on the show, because she didn’t tell anyone about it and the show would have us believe that she thought she could wear a light-up title belt at house shows and WWE wouldn’t find out. Sure, guys. This is a real shot put moment, but the story is good and compelling, so I’ll allow it.
Regardless, Naomi gets approval to try out her belt on television, and she and Lana face off in a nice moment where both women stood up for themselves and took chances because of their passion for the business, and both of them got what they wanted. And then Lana loses in seconds and has only wrestled on television one time since. the system works!
The Penis Game
The cold open of this week’s episode was Nia Jax trying to get Maryse to play “the penis game,” which is where you compete to see who can say the word “penis” louder in public. It’s a wonderful moment where Nia demonstrates she is a supreme dork, and Maryse is uncomfortable saying the word “penis.”
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/930979625177681920
In other Nia Jax news, THIS:
Tag your ride or die. 😂 #BFFGoals @AlexaBliss_WWE @NiaJaxWWE pic.twitter.com/2q9UjOf0HA
— Total Divas (@TotalDivas) November 16, 2017
Bad Rappin’
We get our first taste of Big Cass this week, as we see a glimpse of his home life with Carmella. They do some extremely bad rapping, but it’s so amazingly wonderful to see how over-the-moon into the big guy Carmella is. Really warms your heart. He does a decent job of beatboxing, also. She’s right, though: the West Coast really is the best coast.
That’s it for this week! See you next week, when who KNOWS who will go into business for themselves.
