With Leather’s Watch This: This Field, This Game, It’s A Part Of Our Past, Ray

I’ve seen Field of Dreams close to 100 times, probably, and every time I still imagine that scene ending with a loud fart. I think that just pulls the curtain back a little more on what kind of person I am. Except it’s not a curtain as much as it’s a couple bath towels thrown over some fishing line that we tied from hooks at both ends of the room.

“Bros, I put a pink tie on the doorknob,” I’d shout as Boner and Tank returned from Nickel Jello Shots at McNasty’s Wet T-Shirt Night. But they wouldn’t listen. They’d never listen. Anyway, Field of Reams is still one of my favorite porn parody names of all-time.

Welcome back, baseball.

MLB – Check your local listings or watch on MLB.tv unless they hiked the price up again

San Francisco at Los Angeles (NL) – 4:10 PM ET

Detroit at Minnesota – 4:10 PM ET

Los Angeles (AL) at Cincinnati – 4:10 PM ET

Kansas City at Chicago (AL) – 4:10 PM ET

Philadelphia at Atlanta – 7:10 PM ET

Seattle at Oakland – 10:05 PM ET

St. Louis at Arizona – 10:10 PM ET

Oh sure, make me stay up past my bedtime to watch the Cardinals play on the first night of the season. Fortunately, as a St. Louis Cardinals fan I am classier and more intelligent than most fans, so I am smart enough to take a nap before the game begins so I can enjoy all of it.

(Image via Joe Sports Fan)

WWE Monday Night Raw – 8 PM ET on USA

Here’s my plot idea for tonight: With Wrestlemania 29 less than a week away, tensions are higher than ever between The Rock and John Cena, so they come out and say some things to each other about how much they want it, how they know they can beat each other, how this is all they’ve ever wanted, how deep down inside, there’s nothing that can stop them, etc. But then they get an incredible surprise when it is announced that the music artist behind this year’s WM 29 theme song, “Coming Home”, will be the special guest referee in their main event battle. That’s right, Diddy! But it doesn’t stop there. Every match will have a rapper as the special guest ref, including:

Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger – Bubba Sparxxx

The Undertaker vs. CM Punk – Kid Rock (obviously)

Sheamus, Randy Orton and Big Show vs. The Shield – Everlast

Ryback vs. Mark Henry – Skee Lo

Team Hell No vs. Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston – Kris Kross

Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H – Coolio

Chris Jericho vs. Fandango – Ma$e

Wade Barrett (c) vs. The Miz – Nelly

Tons of Funk and The Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Scholars and The Bella Twins – Lil Kim

I think this is a million dollar idea.

NBA: San Antonio at Memphis – 8 PM ET on NBA TV

NBA: Indiana at L.A. Clippers – 10:30 PM ET on NBA TV

Odds on David Stern paying one of his media lackeys to release a report tomorrow that the two meaningless regular season games on NBA TV destroyed every Opening Day baseball game in the ratings? All bets are off.