Yes, SummerSlam was a six-hour slogfest last night, but no, your eyes weren’t deceiving you: somewhere around the five-hour mark, a two-minute spot for KFC’s new Chicken Little sandwich ran on the WWE Network, and it starred none other than WWE Intercontinental Champion The Miz as an anthropomorphic chicken named Pupper Cluckers getting called out by none other than Colonel Sanders himself, played by Dolph Ziggler.
Again, this really happened. You did not have a fever dream induced by too many mozzarella sticks and Bud heavies last night. (Well, maybe you did, but it was unrelated.)
In true WWE babyface style, Col. Sanders calls out Pupper Cluckers simply for meeting the needs of a family in a hunger crisis, saying that KFC’s chicken is “the world’s best chicken.” Well, if that’s the case, Sanders, why the f*ck didn’t you fly into that family’s kitchen on top of a chicken sandwich? Those people look pretty dang happy eating those sandwiches, they didn’t ask for your opinion. Whole lotta finger pointing going on here, not a whole lotta problem solving — my therapist will tell you that’s not the way to resolve conflicts peacefully.
Anyway, this commercial transitions into a full-blown wrestling match (filmed last week in Austin, Texas, following the conclusion of Smackdown Live) complete with play-by-play from Mauro Ranallo which ends in Col. Sanders superkicking Pupper Cluckers for the 1-2-3. So while Dolph Ziggler may have lost his WWE Championship match at SummerSlam just a few minutes prior, at least he got to pin a guy in a chicken suit while wearing an old-timey string tie. Professional wrestling, everybody!