— Triple H (@TripleH) July 22, 2015
Perhaps moved by their need to play Mom and Dad to everyone they come into contact with, or because they eliminated the only person on the show who seems to be aware that wrestling is a thing, Stephanie McMahon and Triple H have cast a brand new WWE wrestler.
Well, sort of.
During the initial public Tough Enough casting, a video submission came through that was just too adorable to pass up. No, sadly, I don’t mean Dick Justice’s submission. Young Elijah sent a video of him wrestling Iron Man, and how can you turn that down? That’s way better than shaky video of doing pull-ups and talking about how WWE isn’t ready for THE HELLA HOT HEATSEEKER FROM HECK or whatever name they’ve come up with for themselves.
On Wednesday, the two leaders of WWE’s biggest bad guy stable The Authority broke character to video chat with Elijah. Not only did they send him a Money in the Bank briefcase, but a contract to be an honorary wrestler. Elijah will appear in the ring with his favorite actual wrestler at an upcoming Monday Night Raw in San Jose to sign his contract. How does that wrestler feel about being by Elijah’s side?
Between Stardust’s reaction and the ESPN video of John Cena granting this Make-A-Wish hangout, this is basically how I wake up to wrestling news every morning: