the most Ive liked 2018 all year
Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Tommaso Ciampa used dark friendship magic to control Johnny Gargano’s arms and make him do the DIY finisher. Also on the show, the Jeepers Creepers monster made his formal de-butt, and Aaron Mackey made us all use CAUTION when dealing with the LOUD MUTH.
If you missed this episode, you can watch it here. If you’d like to read previous installments of the Best and Worst of NXT, click right here. Follow With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter, where everything and everyone is terrible.
Note: Make sure you’re reading the Best and Worst of NXT UK as well, so you’ll be caught up whenever they decide to have Stephanie McMahon fire Johnny Saint and take over.
And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for December 26, 2018.
Best: SHE NEVER NEEDED YOU AT ALL
Up first is a match spotlighting the women’s division that was allowed to grow while Shayna Baszler and Kairi Sane battled over the NXT Women’s Championship: Bianca Belair vs. Lacey Evans vs. Mia Yim vs. Io Shirai in a fatal four-way, one-fall-to-a-finish match to decided who’d move on to challenge for the title at NXT TakeOver: Phoenix. NXT is like Puerto Rican wrestling in that it makes me put way too many colons in a sentence.
The finish here was never in doubt, even if we hadn’t been spoiled about the result a month ago. Bianca Belair hits the KOD on Lacey Evans to remain undefeated, pinning the Randy Orton to her John Cena and leaving Io Shirai and Mia Yim unblemished in case Belair wins the championship and needs challengers. As much as I love Shayna Baszler, NXT loves an undefeated women’s champion — see Paige, Asuka, and almost Charlotte Flair — and the Three Horsewomen getting called up to back up Ronda Rousey on the main roster seems like more of a question of “when” than “if.” Evans taking the pin also gives her a clean exit from NXT, since she’s already been announced as one of the call-ups and will be a 75-time Raw Women’s Champion the second Vince McMahon finds out she exists.
Note: if Baslzer vs. Belair doesn’t include a spot where Bianca tries to hit the ropes and Shayna pulls her into a choke by yanking her back to the middle of the ring by her braid, what are we even doing? Make it no disqualification and have Belair win by using her braid to choke out Shayna like Cena choked out Umaga at Royal Rumble 2007.
Best: The Fastball Special
My favorite moment in the match is when strong-ass Hate Speech Marine Lacey Evans whips Io Shirai into a dive and gets her up to about 80 miles per hour. Eight more and she would’ve hit a tope suicida on Gorgeous George. Bonus points to Belair for at least attempting to catch her so she didn’t go spiraling into the ramp, and even more bonus points to Mia Yim for not randomly falling down on a dive whether someone hits them or not like everyone does.
Worst: A Match So Bad Even The Commentators Forgot It Was Happening In Front Of Them
The winner of most unintentionally hilarious match of the year goes to Jaxon Ryker vs. Mitch Taverna, which is the quietest you’ll ever hear Full Sail. They could’ve been wrestling in the Full Sail library. It’s so quiet, in fact, that even the announcers aren’t there. They just don’t call the match. If “getting a reaction” is how success in WWE is measured, Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon just failed the mid-term.
The only time the crowd makes noise the entire match is when Ryker hits his slingshot powerbomb finish. Why? Because he’d fucked it up the first time, and they were cheering that he actually hit it for the obvious re-tape. It’s a horrible move, Jax. Can we just forget the Forgotten Sons already? Crimson needs a tag team partner for his match against the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express at the Trousdale County Fair, doesn’t he?
Worst: This Joke I Have To Make That Appeals To No One
https://twitter.com/MrBrandonStroud/status/1078098848009125888
Bring back Marcus Cor Von to tag with Mitch Taverna and call him “Monty Cello.”
Best: Velveteen Dream Year One
More impressive than the “Velveteen Dream is only 23 years old” talking point for me is that “The Velveteen Dream” has only existed as a character for a year and a half. That’s absolutely insane.
Anyway, as we enter year two (point five) of The Dream’s career, never forget that he was once a dorky Tough Enough kid with a really good Ric Flair impersonation who got eliminated from the wrestling game show for liking wrestling too much.
Best: Tommaso Ciampa Is Trying To Brainwash Johnny Gargano Out Of Ever Challenging Him For The NXT Championship Again
I also would’ve accepted five minutes of Ciampa with his face in the camera yelling, “BE EVIL NOW, DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT.”
Best: Prophecy Fulfilled
It was a foregone conclusion when Heavy Machinery were announced as two of the six new NXT call-ups that they were getting the Enzo and Big Cass “sorry you never won the NXT Tag Team Championship but the main roster needs someone to laugh at” spot, but NXT TV did a solid job of trying to convince you that maybe, just maybe, they’d win the belts on their way out. They didn’t, of course, but NXT makes a lot of creative sacrifices in that way.
The match isn’t spectacular or anything, but it tells a really good story. Heavy Machinery is a good tag team and have been undefeated for six months, but their momentum and quick wins have actually been a hindrance to their growth. When you can beat teams in a couple of minutes, you’re easily rope-a-doped by a team that’s experienced in big matches and can absorb your flashes of offense. For example, watch Goldberg vs. Jerry Flynn, then watch Goldberg vs. Lord Steven Regal. Undisputed Era are the champs for a reason; they’re two former indie darlings who routinely wrestle/wrestled 20-30 minute barn-burners three times a weekend, so they’re going to battle through and kick out of most of what you throw at them. You really have to lay them out to win. They were just in a War Games against an unstoppable dream team and it still took them 47 minutes to lose.
So of course Tucky and Otis aren’t going to have that kind of stamina. Once we’re about eight minutes into the match, Heavy Machinery doesn’t know what to do. Tucker Knight’s going for a moonsault and missing badly. Otis is also going to the top rope, which is ridiculous. Undisputed Era just wrestle a smart match, wait until their monstrous momentum opponents get tired and/or confused, and then shut them down. That’s what champions do. Besides, they’ve already done this with the KINGS of fiery momentum, Danny Burch and Oney Lorcan.
Good luck in your quarterly appearances on Raw in fatal fourways, battle royals, and gauntlet matches, Heavy Machinery.
Next Week:
Kassius Ohno attempts to last 10 seconds against a man he desperately wishes he was, and the NXT Year End Award categories get nominations. Velveteen Dream for breakout star, obviously, Johnny Gargano for guy who only has five-star matches, and Lacey Evans and EC3 for most likely to succeed. And I know they aren’t on the show anymore, but can we get a cameo from these two as presenters?
