Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE Raw: Saudi Arabia’s Greatest Royal Rumble happened, featuring a senses-shattering zero (0) title changes in seven championship matches and a two-hour Rumble match for a replica belt and a trophy everyone’s afraid to lift because it looks like it would break.
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Here’s the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for April 30, 2018.
Best/Worst: It’s Not ‘Bizarro Land’ That A City Likes Talented Wrestlers Born In And Around That City
Before this week’s opening’s even going, the Raw announce team — now once again powered by the Ignorance AllSpark that is Jonathan Coachman — is already going in on how we’re in “bizarro land.” That’s their catch-all excuse for any crowd that seems passionately into the product based on what they see on television, and not just weird kids and uninformed parents going to the wrestling show because it’s in town. Keep in mind in this example that some of those weird kids (of which I was absolutely one) grow up to be the people passionately into the product based on what they seen on television because they’re the ones who actively chose to stick around and feed you their money instead of deuces at 12 and coming back to it when their friends say it’s popular.
Anyway, no, it’s not Bizarro Land when a crowd’s booing Roman Reigns for losing another match to Brock Lesnar and having to make a bunch of excuses about it that he never should’ve been put into the position to have to make as a performer OR a character. It’s also not bizarro when they cheer Samoa Joe for showing up on the TitanTron to brutally shade him again, or for booing the apparent real-time booking of a Roman Reigns vs. Jinder goddamn Mahal match.
I will say, however, that WWE setting up “the most divisive wrestler on our roster versus one of the worst wrestlers on the roster in an argument about a pair of wrestlers who aren’t even on the show to set up a match nobody wants” and then chop-blocking that motherfucker with SUDDEN SAMI ZAYN is one of the nicest things they’ve done for Montreal in decades. I can’t even begin to explain how happy I was seeing Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens treated like super heroes in Montreal, and if WWE would just lean into some of these organic hometown reactions instead of trying to fight them so often they would sound and feel more like an actual global sports organization employing actual three-dimensional human beings.
After the promo parade — any show opening promo involving more than four people immediately defaults to a six-man tag — we get Jinder teaming up with Sami and Kevin against Roman, Roman’s eternal blood rival no matter what you say Braun Strowman, and randomly occurring beef-human Bobby Lashley. That team’s the ultimate combination of ALL THE MIXED REACTIONS plus ALL THE GOOD REACTIONS plus LITERALLY NO REACTION. It’s science experiment, the team!
We just Quantum Leapt from WrestleMania to a six-hour oversees Royal Rumble and then immediately back to promoting Backlash, so this is the one (1) show in the middle that must serve as both the “fallout from Greatest Royal Rumble” and “go-home show for Backlash” Raws. That means a lot of empty but entertaining house show stuff again with only gentle character advancement, because the rosters are still settling and we’re trying to get through 2-3 major pay-per-views in a single month without really knowing where anything’s going. It’s a tough spot.
I don’t love Braun and Roman being pals now, but at least they gave us a tense Bro Nod to acknowledge it. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, or whatever. I’m also not totally happy with Kevin Owens taking this clean-ass pin in Montreal when Jinder Mahal’s on the team, but the vibe of the audience made it all fun, and to most that’s the bottom line. Plus, watching Strowman pick up Owens is like watching me pick up a French bulldog.
In summary: Sami Zayn should be treated like this by every crowd.
Best: 3-Point-Oh-No
Also mining the WE’RE FROM HERE! heat to great effect were jobbers Jean-Paul (Levesque?) and Francois, played by longtime independent wrestling duo 3.0, Scott “Jagged” Parker and “Big Magic” Shane Matthews. I’m not necessarily saying “give them a job” because of how competently they ate shit for the Authors of Pain, but in this ever-changing world in which we live in, I could get pretty into a team of little dipshit jobber Quebecers.
Worst: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself, ‘Cause Wrestling Elias Is Bad For Your Health
The “BOBBY ROODE NEEDS TO BE HEEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING” talking point sometimes comes across as “we want Bobby Roode to start acting like a dick again because he’s so good at it,” but that’s only part of it. Being heel informs Roode’s entire in-ring style. It motivates all of his “if yes, then what?” decision-making. Cause and effect. When he’s a babyface he looks like he’s got borderline no idea what he’s doing in the ring, and turns into some version of Robert Roode from 10 years ago that nobody wants to watch. Brother needs to find a reason to get shitty and real ASAP, because I can’t watch him slog through many more of these punch and stomp and neckbreaker-fests.
He wrestles Elias here, and the story seems to be that … Elias has strengthened his throat with mystical Middle Eastern teas and has the idea to attack other people’s throats, because they aren’t as strong? Is that what we’re doing? I just hope if they’re doing a Bobby Roode throat injury, they’ve got a hoarse version of ‘Glorious’ ready to play him to the ring. Maybe Elias can perform it himself.
This was fine and it’s great to see Elias booked as something other than a singing telegram moments from being punched in the face, but Roode’s in character purgatory right now and needs a change, stat.
Best: Sasha Banks And Ruby Riott Wrestling
You know how I know this match worked as intended? Because I was really impressed and into the parts where Sasha Banks and Ruby Riott were going back and forth in the ring, and was completely taken out of it and felt insulted by the Riott Squad’s repeated interference. That’s not how it always feels. The work in the ring here gave the interference a productive context, and didn’t seem as much like independent decisions canceling each other out. I wish that wasn’t how it normally felt.
Sasha Banks is so miss or miss on actual show stories that I forget sometimes how structurally good she is in the ring. The ring work is what brought her to the dance in the first place. We were noticing her improvement in NXT back when “the boss” was just a thing her and Angelo Dawkins were doing as a laugh in promo class. Add to that Ruby Riott’s very obvious wrestling talent and how infrequently she’s allowed to sorta be her purest wrestler self and do her thing because the character work she’s asked to shoulder for three people and you’ve got a recipe for a solid match with something to prove.
The best compliment I can give this is that I really want to see it again on a pay-per-view, with 15 minutes on the clock and the Riott Squad barred from ringside. Ruby and Sasha should decide to be friends, because they’re great, and I want to see what happens to the Riott Squad with Bayley in charge. Give me Lisa Frank Liv Morgan (she’s already so close) and Sarah Logan, My Little Pony Hunter.
Best/Worst: Moment Of Bliss
The bullying angle needed to be over the second the ref’s hand came down for three at WrestleMania, but since we’re still on some bullshit, at least Alexa Bliss is making it funny. Last week she created a scenario in which Nia Jax is stealing homeless people’s food because she’s evil, and this week she’s making Alexa feel bad about the tea cups at Disneyland and eating two giant turkey legs at the same time. Double-fisting. This bit only works if Alexa’s completely and obviously full of shit to a comical degree, and right now they’re in the very, very small sweet spot.
Worst: Rebel Rouser
Less successful is Raw’s continuing insistence that Natalya and Ronda Rousey are best friends forever. I like the pairing a lot and I think it can be beneficial to both of them, but only if they move quickly past “Natalya’s great in the ring and Ronda’s good at expressing human emotions and THAT’S why the pairing works,” which is woefully off-course.
The finish here is Alexa Bliss trying to interfere on Mickie James’ behalf only to get chased around the ring by a T-1000-ass Ronda Rousey, which ends up distracting James instead of helping her and costs her the match. This is one of two distraction roll-up finishes they do in a row, which hurts it too. I assume this is eventually building to Natalya and Rousey in a tag match against Bliss and James, which is again a good call for Rousey’s development, so maybe I’ll just pretend the weekly shows don’t exist for a few months and only watch the pay-per-views, which is what WWE wants me to do most times anyway.
Worst: Slide Slide, But That’s The Past
The other roll-up finish happens at the end of Baron Corbin vs. No Way Jose and features the appearance of Greatest Royal Rumble star and Yodeling Walmart Boy of the WWE, Titus O’Neil. You see, Titus slipped on his way to the ring on Friday, so now sliding is the only thing he can do. He shows up and his friends are like, “hold on a minute, don’t SLIP like you did on Friday!” And the announce team’s like, “LOOK AT WHAT THEY’RE DOING, COREY, THEY’RE TRYING TO KEEP HIM FROM SLIPPING LIKE HE DID ON FRIDAY.” And then Titus gets on the apron and WHOOPS HE SLIPPED, and Baron Corbin’s like, “haha, you slipped again, like you did on Friday!” And then everyone gets a free t-shirt.
WWE is the worldwide leader in not being able to let a joke sit, so I’m placing the over/under of shows involving Titus slipping for new and unbelievable reasons at six. Take the over. If R-Truth shows up dressed as a banana peel you know they’ve come full circle.
Best: Putting The Cart Before The Horsemen
A few notes here:
- Seth Rollins is basically the coolest wrestler in the world right now. His transition from heel to face is fully realized and complete, and we as a “universe” see the work that was put into it and can get behind it. Add to that an increasingly natural tone of speaking on the microphone, believable dialogue coming out of his month, an affable sense of humor without trying to be “funny” and a string of exceptional wrestling matches and boom, you’ve got the perfect Raw babyface. Rollins is Mozart right now and Reigns is Salieri. At best.
- Where can I get one of those Four Horsemen t-shirts?
- I appreciate the momentary return of Trickster God Prince Nevitt, who is back to wearing his LGBT-inclusive t-shirt (having not been able to wear in Saudi Arabia, whether he says it’s his decision or theirs) and saying things like “I LIKE THAT BUT!” to light Tumblr on fire. I need this character to have an edge again, and him repeatedly attacking white-meat-ass babyface Seth Rollins from behind is a good place to start. At some point Rollins is gonna have to tell him to get out of his personal space, because Seth can’t order a cold cut combo without this little Irish serial killer-looking motherfucker Finn Freezing between him and the sandwich artist.
This of course all sets up our main event, which is another in a series of Rollins and Bálor TV matches that have been the best part of the show for weeks now. It’s all about competitive, back-and-forth pro wrestling between two equally matched wrestlers in both skill and prestige, fighting over a secondary championship that desperately needs to matter. It’s such a good role for both of them, especially (especially) if we finally get Bálor getting fed up at his lack of championship wins and Club Members and goes full Real Rock ‘n’ Rolla again. Nuts forever to the “extraordinary man who does extra ordinary things.” I want a light up jacket and some gun fingers and precious Prince Fergal making good people’s lives hell.
Not a lot of character or story development this week, but two very good matches makes this Raw more Best than Worst. Let’s hope once Backlash is in the can we can see what the new Raw and Smackdown are really supposed to look like.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Harry Longabaugh
Nattie and Ronda bonded over their shared pastime of crying after losses and hinting at retirement.
Instead of team statistician, Dana is now Titus Worldwide’s third base coach, screaming “SLIDE! SLIDE!”
dannibalcorpse
It’ll be quite the sight when Cena and the octopus start trading signature moves and John falls victim to a 40 knuckle shuffle
LUNI_TUNZ
*John Cena challenges an Octopus to a match for months on end. Octopus shows up randomly and goes over in three minutes*
Corbin: “A wise man said to make money, you can’t be funny.”
*The New Day twerk with their Booty-O’s money*
The Real Birdman
If do the math, WWE was paid $200 million for the GRR, so technically Titus falling was worth… millions of dollars, millions of dollars
Cami
“Go back to under the ring” – Baron Corbin.
troi
Intercollegiate Ballroom Dancing was Matt Leinart’s best sport!
IC Champion Pdragon Dark
“they’ve had a great relationship ever since NXT”
Hard cut to Sasha stomping Bayley’s fingers and making Izzie cry
Ja Gi Kyung-Moon
Braun Strowman: OK… I guess I’m finished with you.
Roman Reigns: That’s cool, bro. I’ll keep my distance all the same.
Bobby Lashley: That was an awesome match, guys!
Broman Streigns: *Avoid making eye contact with Jason Jordan’s super saiyan form*
That’s it for this week’s show. Here’s a funny GIF to play you out!
Thanks as always for reading, commenting down below and sharing the column. Be back here tomorrow for Smackdown Live, featuring … let’s say … 20% less Titus slipping?
