Also, The Ascension demands satisfaction!
Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live: Karl Malone showed up in the crowd and threw up a Diamond Cutter. Plus Becky Lynch is back, Sami Zayn has pinned the WWE Champion, and Gable and Benjamin thought they’d won the Smackdown Tag Team Championship, but accidentally Twin Magicked themselves.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live for January 9, 2018.
Worst: A Brief, Lengthy Aside About This GM Storyline
I think it’s been the point of these columns for the past several weeks, so I’ll try to be brief: unless there’s an amazing payoff to this story, the Daniel Bryan vs. Shane McMahon “Cold War” over Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens is awful television and somehow even worse pro wrestling booking. If there is a great ending — Bryan coming back, Bryan bringing in Steve Blackman to kick Shane to death, etc. — I reserve the right to flip-flop and fly.
Basically they’ve positioned the heels in the story (Owens and Zayn) at a disadvantage. Whether or not you think they’re validated in their response to Shane is irrelevant … you’ve put your baddies in a handicap match to, I guess, punish them for a different guy who’s in charge putting them in a *beneficial* handicap match HE booked and THEY never asked for. Styles asked for it.
The story is broken into three parts:
- (1) The show opening segment, which is the tried-and-true “guy is being interviewed, but gets interrupted by his rivals, and then a general manager interrupts to put them all in a match.” I know it, you know it, WWE loves it. If I ever work at WWE, I’m organizing an office Christmas party where two people talk in the center of the room, and the only way you can get in is by interrupting
- (2) another passive-aggressive backstage segment where Shane McMahon uses his “condemn you to a vicious beating at my hands” post-dinner dad voice to have tense middle-management conversations with Daniel Bryan. Do we really need another week of one boss telling another boss he’s hot-headed and impulsive, only for the other guy to be like, “I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION”
- (3) the match, in which the heels the crowd want to cheer for are put into a situation so heelish it was once done by Vince McMahon to Stone Cold Steve Austin
Yes, in what’s GOT to be a pitch-perfect storytelling point, Shane McMahon — a man who is personally offended at the suggestion he’s anything like his father — shows up to constantly restart a match by changing the rules so his rivals have to keep wrestling. I’d say it was the most heel thing he’s done so far, but the crowd is cheering, and dude just theatrically refused to count the three at Survivor Series, so who knows?
But that’s where we’re at. Without knowing the twist (that hopefully exists) in the story, right now we’re stuck with a face GM being a super heel to two heels who are obnoxious but only doing what WWE tells everyone to do — watch your back, have a “killer instinct,” make an impact, etc. — while a face GM puts the face WWE Champion into a handicap match for the title against two heels. And the authority figure characters are upset with each other, but only in passing scoffs, and the wrestlers are suddenly the least important people in this wrestling storyline.
The babyfaces “get revenge” for a thing they’ve already gotten revenge for several times, with a 4-on-2 advantage. ♫ This is how we do it ♫
Best: Give Becky The Rumble
That’s what we’re doing, right? Having Becky Lynch manage to barely win the women’s Royal Rumble match because like, Ronda Rousey and Asuka eliminated themselves, and building to Lynch vs. Flair in a Horsewomen battle of “first” versus “greatest,” only to finally pull the trigger on a Carmella cash-in.
Anyway, this week’s best match for me was Becky Lynch’s in-ring return against Rube Squad leader Ruby Riott. It’s not particularly exciting, but I enjoyed the slowed-down, methodical pace, and the fact that the Riott Squad didn’t get involved and the match didn’t turn into a big aimless brawl. That’s been WWE’s way of building the Rumble … people announcing they’re in the Rumble even though you assumed they would be, and everyone who’s in the Rumble doing a pile of battle royal punching every week.
I really hope they put the focus on Becky for a bit heading into WrestleMania. As much as you want her to be, her character is NOT Bayley, and if you’re presumably gonna clog up Asuka with a celebrity match or whatever, it’d be great to at least get our good wrestling fix from the Smackdown side of the women’s division. Uh, even if it ends in Carmella. Can it end in Carmella getting arm-barred?
Also, please Lord have James Ellsworth be #30 in the women’s Royal Rumble and get immediately thrown out by Becky.
Best, But Let’s Move On: Mojo Vs. Ryder
Mojo Rawley wins his first round match against Zack Ryder in the United States Championship tournament by … having the exact same match they had on the Clash of Champions kickoff. It had the same finish, even, with the same camera angles. Like Mojo just has a pre-rendered animation for his finisher.
It’s good for what little of a thing it is, and KILLA INSTINCT Mojo Rawley continues to be the greatest, but that’s two definitive wins over his old partner now. Can we move on from the Hype Bros breakup? Mojo won. He won twice, and his promo work on social media has been EXCEPTIONAL. Let’s now carefully extract him from Zack Ryder so he can keep growing. Nothing worse on Smackdown than when they don’t know when or how to pull a trigger on someone.
NOT SPEAKING OF THAT AT ALL WHATSOEVER, DOT DOT DOT
LOL What: Breezango Pins Rusev
A few months ago, Tyler Breeze and Fandango were the hottest act on Smackdown. WWE’s response to this was to do nothing with them for several months besides comedy vignettes, remove those vignettes from Smackdown when they got too popular and move them to the internet — see also: this week — and have them get totally squashed by Rowan and Harper after like MONTHS of build.
Currently, Rusev (and to a lesser degree, Aiden English) are the hottest act on Smackdown. WWE’s response to that is for them to lose via roll-up to Fandango. So … is it bad to get people to like you? Is that the worst thing you can do? Do you have to lose if a crowd decides they like something about you and want to see it? Does it challenge the beige-ass vanilla authority of Randy Orton or whatever?
And don’t get me wrong, I love Breeze and Fandango and want them to be winning more, but not necessarily over a mid-card act that’s been trying to get momentum for YEARS, and not necessarily right after we’ve watched them be helpless jobbers for several weeks.
And More From The Smackdown Tag Team Division
Speaking of the booking not making a hell of a lot of sense, WWE built to a Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable vs. The Usos match by having Gable and Benjamin beat the Usos. That turns into a multi-team match for some reason, and they have to go back after that and do another non-title loss to set up the same match. They finally do it, and Benjamin and Gable once again pin the Usos … but it turns out they pinned the Uce that wasn’t legal, and the match had to be restarted. They lost that one.
So what’s the next step in that story? To have Gable and Benjamin “demand justice” and get it in the form of ANOTHER Smackdown Tag Team Championship match, this one two-out-of-three falls. On pay-per-view. Is the long con of Smackdown that Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan are BOTH mad with power, and just express it in different ways? Shane holds grudges and inserts himself into shit, while Daniel books the show like he’s trying to destroy it from the inside? He’s booking Smackdown like an episode of Breaking Madden.
Best, Though: Chad Gable
Jock Dickhead Chad Gable is the greatest. He keeps getting better. Something about that face plus that voice is wonderfully punchable, and him launching into a “DO YOU EVEN KNOW, NO SERIOUSLY, DO YOU KNOW” thing about winning is amazing. I also love the fact that he clearly cut the sleeves off his homemade “Free the Tag Titles” shirt but had to cut around the edge of the design, so he’s got part of the logo going into his armpit. WHAT A DIRTBAG.
And Finally
The Bludgies squash The Ascension. Eh. It’s the right match, but a few weeks late.
That’s the show, unless you want me to spend 1000 words breaking down how Jinder Mahal watches TV standing up beside the TV, looking across his own chest, huddled together with the Singh Brothers in front of a big Indian flag. Like you do.
Certainly not a bad show, I guess, especially if you don’t consider the “what’s going to happen” aspect of the authority figure story to be “ruining” Smackdown. It’s a hard place to be in where you feel like something’s objectively terrible and hope you’re proven wrong by Waiting and Seeing, but you’ve waited and seen a thousand times already and 994 of these bits have already proven you right.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Ja Gi Kyung-Moon
Sami & Kevin: We don’t like this match. We’ll just leave the ring.
Shane: This match is now No Count Outs!
Sami & Kevin: Fine, we’ll disqualify ourselves!
Shane: This match is now no DQs!
Sami & Kevin: Fine, we’ll just leave the arena!
Shane: This match is now contested under 24/7 rules!
Sami & Kevin: Fine, we’ll just go to New Japan Pro Wrestling!
Shane: This match is now a Cease & Desist Match!
Harry Longabaugh
Breezango fans are collectively known as Fashionphiles.
Aerial Jesus
Shane: You’re all over the place, Daniel. What are you going to do next, put yourself in a match against AJ Styles at Wrestlemania?
Daniel: You know what, Shane…..
troi
Natalya: “I need to find a good kennel for my cat”
Daniel Bryan comes out of nowhere and books her in a Kennel From Hell Match
So an interracial couple is demanding justice in Alabama? Lets see how this plays out.
AddMayne, on KO and Zayn as “co-WWE Champions”
I hope they split it in half like LayCool
AshBlue
So Nattie didn’t want Sami Zayn or Rusev? She truly is the worst person ever.
The Real Birdman
Should’ve been Nattie & Dillinger for Team Purrfect 10
“I think our sarcasm went over your head Daniel” – Gable
“Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it” – Daniel “Drax” Bryan
Dave M J
Shane: This is the Land of Opportunity
Also Shane: WHY IS MY GM GIVING THESE GUYS OPPORTUNITIES?!?!
That’s It For This Week’s Show.
Good talk.
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Join us next week for more United States Championship tournament action and, if we’re lucky, Shane McMahon being very disappointed in Daniel Bryan’s quarterly review.
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