Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live: AJ Styles got pissy at a contract signing, Carmella “unmasked” a wrestler who doesn’t ever wrestle in a mask, and The Miz stuck his hand into a top hat full of pancake batter. Wrestling!
Remember to follow With Spandex on Twitter and like us on Facebook if you haven’t already. You can also follow me on Twitter @mrbrandonstroud for pretty much just wrestling stuff. And remember to check out our With Spandex podcast, McMahonsplaining, featuring MENG.
Hit those share buttons! Please spread the word about the column on Facebook, Twitter, and whatever other social media outlets you use. Be sure to leave a comment in the comment section below as well. Your help and participation means a lot. We’re Going Home to Money in the Bank!
And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live for June 12, 2018.
Best: I’M AN IRISH
WWE went from a stretch of three pay-per-views in a month (including Backlash, WrestleMania, and a WrestleMania-sized Saudi Arabian Network special) to a properly spaced-out Money in the Bank show, and I think they experienced creative jet lag. They got used to booking shows on two weeks notice, so the first couple of weeks of Money in the Bank qualifiers were GREAT. Then we got everyone qualified and there was like a month left, and WWE went “…. [shrug]?” Now things have slowed to a crawl. “Crawl” is probably generous. Things have slowed so hard they’re almost moving backwards through time.
This week’s Raw started with a Money in the Bank “summit,” which if you missed it was an extremely corny 10 minutes or so of everyone in the ladder match talking as loudly as possible, as much as possible, even when other people were talking. It was like a bad improv troupe got together to do a “wrestling” scene, but didn’t know what wrestling was, so they just dressed up in funny costumes and yelled at each other about how they’re going to win. Smackdown starts the same way, minus the ladders, with the women’s Money in the Bank participants shout-arguing about pretty much nothing. This sets up a tag match for the main event, because Smackdown.
If we’re looking for positives here, we have:
- the fact that it was like the Cliff’s Notes version of the Raw opening, which means it was at least condensed, and
- the precious IIconics making fun of Charlotte for being from North Carolina and crying all the time, making fun of Becky Lynch for her bad puns and being “an Irish,” and making fun of Naomi and Lana’s dance-off with choreography that’s somehow accurate satire while toeing the line between “good dancing” and “heels acting like assholes”
I think Peyton counting herself in like a horse that can count is my favorite part. You can tell the IIconics are great WWE mid-card heels because they’re asked to go out there and make fools out of themselves to make these exposition dumps where characters shout how they feel watchable. The Miz got stuck doing that for like five straight years. He’s STILL doing that.
The match that results does yeoman’s work trying to connect all of the relevant women’s division stories, and I liked that a lot about it. It was messy, sure, but it (a) hyped up the women’s Money in the Bank ladder match by doing WWE’s favorite “everybody in the pool” match booking style, (b) hyped up the Smackdown Women’s Championship match by doing WWE’s favorite “champion has defeated the challenger six days before their match” trope, and (c) laid a little groundwork for the division going forward by working in Absolution and the IIconics. So while the actual content isn’t to my liking, the idea of integrating all the different parts of the division on your show and reminding us that they’re all ostensibly competing for the same spots and time and goals is extremely positive.
Nothing’s happening, but at least it’s constructive.
LOL: Tallin’ Cassidy
Big Cass cuts another unbearable promo about how he went to a roller coaster opening and stole the signage and how that means he’s going to beat the guy who kicked his ass at the pay-per-view and booted him into injury on the follow-up, but my favorite part is that they didn’t even work the height sign. There’s nothing more “Big Cass” than him talking about how he’s seven foot tall while standing next to a height chart showing he’s a lot closer to six-foot-nine. There are three dividing lines between each number; leaving off the top two doesn’t make him any taller. Gandalf that shit and have him stand closer to the camera, guys.
Worst: Paige Is The William Regal Of Smackdown General Managers
If that sounds like a compliment, it is, but it also points to William Regal’s one creative weakness as NXT General Manager: he’s supposed to be the guy making all the decisions and tells wrestlers they don’t book matches, he does, but all they have to do is keep fighting each other or asking and he gives them what they want. Last week Paige confronted Absolution and Asuka to explain how they don’t make the matches, SHE does, and then made the exact match they wanted. This week The Miz is like, “I want to be special guest referee for Samoa Joe vs. Rusev,” and Paige is like, “I know what you’re doing and won’t allow that,” and is then like, “so here’s what we’re gonna do: you’re gonna be special guest referee for Samoa Joe vs. Rusev.”
It’s not Paige’s fault at all, but kinda sorta illustrates how useless “general manager” characters are in wrestling today. There’s nothing a segment like this accomplishes that a match graphic before you do the match and an announcer saying one (1) line about how “the general manager agreed to make this match.” Otherwise you’re just producing filler.
International House Of Contracts
That “Miz as special guest referee” thing ends up causing problems — gasp — and distills down what should be an incredible hoss fight into its purest WWE form. Samoa Joe, wrestling tonight in a thicc mohawk made of Constable Baron Corbin’s discarded skullet hair, accidentally bumps the referee, who is a champion wrestler, and that causes them to get in each other’s faces. Joe bends Miz’s finger, which distracts him long enough for Rusev to superkick him and win the match. Joe looks worse because he couldn’t navigate this very obvious heel trap, Rusev looks worse because he needed two separate batches of interference to pull of a surprise win against a guy who’s more or less on his level professionally, and Miz looks worse because he took a ref bump like a ref and pulled down a briefcase full of pancakes.
Like, I get that Miz would be upset that New Day keeps trolling him with pancakes, but his “WHERE’S THE CONTRACTTTT” stuff was bad. Did you think those display briefcases had Money in the Bank contracts in them? Wouldn’t you just steal them the second a production guy hung them up? They’re floor models, man.
Anyway, if New Day doesn’t show up at Money in the Bank throwing burgers into the crowd instead of pancakes, WWE’s missed the easiest joke of all time.
Best: Best In The World’s Greatest
The best match of the night (because duh) is Daniel Bryan vs. Shelton Benjamin, 10 minutes of back-and-forth action built around amateur wrestling champion Benjamin and whether or not he’s got the skills and confidence to beat this scrappy little hippie goat guy who happens to be a mat wrestling savant. I love the pedigree of Benjamin vs. the blue collarness of Bryan, and how opponents continue to underestimate D-Bry because of his history of injuries. It’s a good way to acknowledge Bryan’s current shortcomings and play to them positively, instead of asking him to be the exact same wrestler he was before and doing it over and over until we notice how much he’s changed.
It’s not a Gold Rush Tournament classic or anything, but giving Bryan a hard fart victory against a veteran star while Big Cass steals roller coaster signage and cuts promos about how he’s definitely not 6-foot-10 in lifts is a great juxtaposition. They’re showing you why you should boo one guy and cheer the other, instead of just telling you. The match result probably won’t be as cut and dry as the first time around, but hey, Bryan’s still a workhorse who’s willing to carry any number of feet of terrible wrestler to a watchable match.
I still think Benjamin should head to Raw, team up with Chad Gable and Jason Jordan, and be part of a Team Angle amateur wrestling hit squad.
And Speaking Of Filler
Here’s Jerry Lawler suddenly doing an old school type of interview in front of the crowd, because they wanted to get Jerry Lawler in front of a Memphis crowd again. That’s the only reason it’s happening. I’m happy to take that back if they keep him around to do these interviews every week, but it’s a lot like introducing Elias’ special airbrushed guitar just to break it in the same segment. The value of a stand and wave outweighs the need for your show to have some internal consistency, I guess. Not really a “problem” with the episode, but it’s absolutely happening to kill time.
Is Jeff Hardy Okay?
Finally we have the response to our main event program Jerry Lawler promo, in the form of championship challenger Shinsuke Nakamura losing a match to a secondary champion because right now he values ball-kicks and dramatic counting over in-ring success. I’m not sure what Nakamura gains out of losing because he can’t control himself, or what “message” he’s sending by doing to Jeff Hardy what he already did to Tye Dillinger, but nothing about the booking of this story makes sense to me. Nakamura’s awesome heel turn and testicle fetish is being truly wasted somehow in a championship feud with one of the best wrestlers in the world. I don’t even know how they’re doing it.
I spent most of the match worried about Hardy, though. There’s some word going around that he’s working with nerve damage and is injured again, and it kinda shows. He’s moving slower than usual, and he’s sticking to his signature moves to get him through matches. If he’s hurt, damn, get the belt off of him on one of these Smackdowns and give him some time to recover. He’s Jeff Hardy and has a mutant healing factor or whatever, but he’s also in his forties now and could probably stand to stop backflipping off the top rope and landing on his shoulders three to five times a week.
Anyway, that’s the go-home Smackdown for Money in the Bank. It’s watchable and safe, which is fine, but I wish these pay-per-view cycles slowly built momentum heading into the shows instead of dumping all the momentum out into a pile on the first show and then smoothing it out like peanut butter for the rest of the month. Changing paradigms, or whatever.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
MDVEGA
“You’ll NEVER defeat me, Daniel Bryan! Not counting all those previous times you easily defeated me before.”
LUNI_TUNZ
Super Nintendo Chalmers: “A… Aurora Borealis! At this time of day! At this time of year! Localized entire within a WWE Ring?”
Corey Graves: “Yes!”
Naomi: “Wait a minute. Didn’t you used to be Russian?”
Lana: :O
DenseMan1
+1 to Titan Towers receptionist if she goes “Steph, are you wearing a fake nose? Is that chin putty?”
Endy_Mion
“Cass, honey, I’d pay you 25 large to hide your face.” –The SDL roster, sponsored by Velveteen Dream
It is actually a good thing that Cass is such a spineless coward. That’s like 33 fewer bones for Daniel to break at his whim
The Real Birdman
Jeff’s not gonna fall for your weirdo act, Nak. Have you seen his brother?
JayBone2
I’m waiting for the eventual New Day vs B-Team fight. It’s just like IHOP becoming IHOB but with New Day throwing Burgers and B-Team throwing pancakes in return.
JerichoThat
“Well, how do you feel about, ‘Knee to face?’”
“Whut?”
Lawler unzips his skin and it’s actually Nakamura
Brute Farce
Will this AJ/Nak feud withstand the testes of time???
Honestly they should do a follow-up episode where Triple H puts on the same wig and glasses and tries to pass himself off as a southern-fried blogger.
That’s it for this week’s report. Thanks for reading as always, and throw us a comment and a share if you’re kind. Be here this weekend for Money in the Bank™ brand pay-per-view, and for the NXT show that definitely won’t completely overshadow it.
