The Assumptive WWE Smackdown Spoilers Report For February 11, 2016

Every week, RSPW award-winning site With Spandex takes somebody else’s Smackdown spoilers from a graps newz content farm, copies and pastes them over and jumps to a bunch of conclusions without watching the show. It’s a great way to know what’s going on on Smackdown without ever having your stereotypical assumptions about Smackdown disproven. This week, a singles match becomes a tag-team match. Whoaaaa!

What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are mostly actual Smackdown spoilers)

1. Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles was a No Contest. Smackdown’s getting a little ambitious this week, using a bait-and-switched singles match to set up a tag match, then using the tag match to set up the same singles match for later in the show. There’s a good chance the main event turned into a tag match, too, they just stopped filming because everyone got tired and went home. Anyway, the Social Outcasts interrupt to set up:

2. Chris Jericho and AJ Styles defeated Curtis Axel and Adam Rose. Suggested team name: A2J. After the match, Jericho hit Styles with a Codebreaker. Man, if you guys don’t become brothers in arms after surviving an encounter with The Radical Mongoose, when do you?

– We get to watch Daniel Bryan’s retirement speech again, just as we’d pulled ourselves out of the fetal position and stopped crying. FANTASTIC.

– The Dudley Boyz cut a promo heeling on the Usos, insulting Daniel Bryan and announcing that they’ll no longer be doing the tables gimmick. They will now be a cool motorcycle gang that wears vests and beats up your favorite stars using rubber hammers. I may have added that last part.

– R-Truth still doesn’t want to be Goldust’s tag team partner. The lesson here: If someone says “no,” keep stalking them and asking them to say yes for a month. It’ll work!

3. Sasha Banks defeated Naomi. A play on what happened on Raw. There, Becky wrestled Tamina, left the ring to help Sasha fight off Naomi and ended up losing. Here, because Sasha Banks GREATER THAN, Sasha leaves the ring to help Becky fight off Tamina, beats up Tamina, then gets back in the ring and taps out Naomi. Becky goes home and writes “JUST CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THIS” in her journal.

– Bray Wyatt cut a promo. Some poor intern has to spend his entire Wednesday dubbing over “what” chants.

4. The Lucha Dragons and Neville defeated The Cosmic Wasteland. Mauro screamed and screamed. Writing this up I got the image in my head of Alberto Del Rio joining the Cosmic Wasteland, and now it’s all I want. Del Rio can fill up his bucket with gold glitter and thoroughly douse his opponent with it while they’re holding themselves up for the tree of woe double-stomp.

5. Chris Jericho defeated AJ Styles. Styles takes his first loss in WWE, and it’s clean. That gives Styles a win over Jericho and Jericho a win over Styles, so they’ll probably have the rubber match at Fast Lane. I’m down for this, especially if it ends with Jericho adopting Styles to be his cool son.