Smackdown is almost live, but until that happens, we’re here to let you know what happened on the show before it aired. See, there’s this thing called “spoilers” that would piss you off if you accidentally read them on the Internet and had any emotional investment in the show. However, you chose to click on and read this, and it’s Smackdown, so you’re fine.
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
– The show opens with Dean Ambrose as a guest on The Highlight Reel. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER! I really hope this story ends with Carlito coming back, relaunching Carlito’s Cabana, and Jericho and Ambrose realizing they’re gonna have to put aside their differences and team up to take him down.
1. Kofi Kingston defeated Aiden English, Luke Gallows and Big Cass. This was a fatal four-way to advertise the Tag Team Championship match at Money in the Bank. Sadly, the three losers are suffered fatal injuries.
2. Baron Corbin defeated Zack Ryder. “Go back to the New York Wrestling Connection!” Dolph Ziggler was on commentary, because when Ziggler isn’t around Baron Corbin he just doesn’t know what to do with himself. After the match, Ziggler listened to his old Ben Folds records while looking at a picture of Corbin.
3. Rusev defeated Kalisto. Rusev won with The Accolade. After the match, he kept it going. Sin Cara tried to make the save, but got put in the Accolade himself. Titus O’Neil made the save for Sin Cara, until he got put in the Accolade and had to be saved by Lucky Cannon. Okay, I made up that last sentence, but there’s lots of Save Making.
4. AJ Styles defeated Xavier Woods. Styles won by submission. Hoping this is the start of a long, Claire Lynch-style story between Styles and Xavier Woods’ hyper-sexualized, personified trombone.
5. Charlotte defeated Natalya. “The Women’s Champion has pinned Natalya!”
6. Dean Ambrose, Cesaro and Sami Zayn defeated Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho and Alberto Del Rio. Are you tired of seeing these guys in the ring together yet? Be sure to pay 10 dollars to see them all in the ring together this Sunday! This match ends with Owens turning on his partners, only for Dean Ambrose to Dirty Deeds and pin him again.
That’s our show!