The Assumptive WWE Smackdown Spoilers Report For May 19, 2016

We’re on the Road to Extreme Rules, so here are your assumptive WWE Smackdown spoilers for the go-home show. “Assumptive” because we just copy and paste in someone else’s Smackdown spoilers and jump to conclusions about them without having watched the show. It’s also known as, “The Internet.”

What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)

1. Kevin Owens defeated Cesaro. Owens won via rollup (drink) when Sami Zayn and The Miz distracted him (drink). Actually, not gonna do that “drink” gimmick, drink all the alcohol in your home immediately. It’s Smackdown!

2. Dana Brooke defeated Paige. Anyone figured out what’s up with Paige yet? Did she decide she hated being a wrestler and just wanted to be on Total Divas and make Christmas movies, so she’s just wrestling the minimum amount required to do those things? Anyway, here’s “Dana Brooke dominates and defeats Paige,” a sentence that would’ve made your eyes cross during any era of NXT.

3. Dolph Ziggler defeated Sheamus. Here’s your hilarious regular reminder that Sheamus was WWE World Heavyweight Champion last year. After the match, Baron Corbin says he’ll kick Ziggler’s ass at Extreme Rules. Ziggler is confused, because he assumes he has to wrestle Sheamus 20 more times in a row.

– Dean Ambrose disguises himself as a ring crew worker so he can beat up Chris Jericho inside the Asylum cage. Tune in this Sunday to see Dean Ambrose beat up Chris Jericho inside the Asylum cage, but for longer!

4. Big Cass and The New Day defeated The Vaudevillains and The Dudley Boyz. Big Cass got the pin, because he’s playing NBA Jam and got three uninterrupted baskets.

5. Roman Reigns vs. Luke Gallows ended with The Club and The Family brawling. Styles stands tall at the end of the fight, same as he did when they fought on Raw, if you needed any indication that he is going to get murked so hard at Extreme Rules.

– How you gonna have a May 19 Smackdown without Kane?