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In the run-up to the Gilmore Girls reunion miniseries, I rewatched a lot of the original episodes. Among the things I was struck by — especially since I was watching them at the same time as the early installments of NBC’s This Is Us — was how Gilmore virtually never mentioned Sookie’s weight, or her feelings about it. Sookie wasn’t as skinny as Lorelai, but she was never presented as the sad fat friend of the beautiful and slender main character. There were never storylines where she fretted about not being able to find love or happiness unless she dropped a bunch of dress sizes, and when she began a relationship with her eventual husband Jackson (a comparatively svelte person himself), neither she nor anyone else on the show wondered what he could see in her. I doubt I’d even need all the fingers of one hand to count the number of times Sookie’s size was brought up in any context, because she was defined by so many other things: her relentlessly sunny disposition, her clumsiness, her perfectionism about the food she cooked, her unwavering devotion to Lorelai and Rory (and then to Jackson), etc.
Sookie was, of course, played by Melissa McCarthy, and before she went on to become one of the world’s biggest movie stars (and brilliant caricaturist of White House spokesmen), she starred in CBS’ Mike & Molly, about two people who meet at a weight loss support group, fall in love, and get married. And even with the size of the two main characters baked into the premise, Mike & Molly quickly established lots of traits about each character beyond how their diets were going.
This Is Us, meanwhile, borrowed the Mike & Molly premise to bring together one of its main characters, Kate (Chrissy Metz), with boyfriend Toby (Chris Sullivan), who also met at a weight loss support group. But where Mike & Molly was able to move beyond fat jokes after a while, This Is Us has made virtually every Kate story be about her weight on some level: Kate feels self-conscious about her weight when going to one of Kevin’s Hollywood parties! Kate gets hired for a job because the skinny boss hopes Kate will connect with her bigger daughter! Kate wants to break up with Toby because he’s an impediment to her diet! I could tell you a few things about her that seemingly have nothing to do with her size — she loved her dad, likes football (mainly because she loved her dad), was very into Madonna as a kid, and likes to sing in private — but inevitably most of those loop back around to her weight, like how she’s reluctant to sing in public because she’s self-conscious of how she looks.
The show even acknowledged this single-minded characterization early on by having Kate insist that she thinks about her weight all the time, every day, in every context. And while that may be true of some plus-sized people, it’s not true of most of the ones I’ve encountered in my travels, female or male (myself included). More to the point, it makes her a bad character from a dramatic standpoint. While This Is Us can become too mono-focused on a specific attribute of the other characters, it ultimately allows all of them multiple dimensions and personality traits so that they’re never defined entirely by their main thing. But Kate is so connected to her size that she barely has a personality. When the Thanksgiving episode — in which the other members of the family went through many different kinds of conflicts — ended with an oblivious Kate bursting into Randall’s home to announce that she had decided to get gastric bypass surgery, it played almost like an SNL parody of the show.
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It’s tricky. I don’t fault the writers for making Kate’s story all about the weight. She is morbidly obese. And I say that with the utmost respect and no judgment. But it’s not hard to see how her life revolves around that. Alan, though your experiences with people may not reflect that, I’m willing to bet that many others would reflect it. It’s something that is omnipresent in a person’s life.
Is the execution of the storyline crappy at times? Yes. But I don’t think we can fault the writers for making the weight THE storyline. I agree that we should expand her stories, make things not only about weight. But that is going to be the story that is always there and I can’t say I disagree with that.
If they had done a better job establishing who she is and what she cares about in those precious seconds where she’s not thinking about her weight, the hyper focus might play okay. But it really feels like the writers haven’t given any thought to who Kate is beyond her obesity.
While personal anecdotes are usually useless, if Alan is going to use his experiences, I guess I can use mine. I know a lot of overweight people – none as big as Kate, mind you – and while my fat male friends tend to not really care (or show that they care) I can say that the women do. So Kate being obsessed with her weight, especially considering she was probably teased a lot (or as we saw in the triple-birthday episode, ignored), is not that farfetched.
I’m not as obese as Kate, but I am overweight – and trust me, I have a personality, concerns, and a life all outside of my weight. And so does every other over/under/whatever-size person.
Yep, I’m about the same size as Kate and, believe it or not, I’m just like you normals. I have a job, a husband, family and friends and all the joys, frustrations and confusion that go with those things. I have interests and obsessions and good days and bad days. Yes, I do have to think about my size, for one reason or another, multiple times every day. But that’s been the same for almost 40 years now – I’m used to it and it doesn’t define me in my own eyes – just yours. The show really does Kate’s character a disservice by focusing so much on her size.
I am commenting on Kate. There is a difference to overweight, morbidly obese and Kate. She is beyond heavy. Actually I worry how she manages to be an actress. Her health is at a very dangerous concern. I completely understand plus sizes, also morbidly obese. But Kate is not a good example for anyone who has a weight problem. The show is very good, but if Kate is to continue in her wonderful career. She should be acceptable fat. Not this.
I think there’s something really interesting they could explore about the parallels between Jack and Toby — these two “big surprise gesture” romantic men in Kate’s life, and how that might skew her view of what a real romantic partnership looks like. Rightfully so, her dad was her hero, swooping in to save the day — and here’s Toby, doing the same thing, but it reads a little differently when it’s coming from someone who’s your romantic partner vs your parent.
I do think the show has been clear that Kate’s perception of her weight has really held her back (not the weight itself), though, and I while I wish they would expand her storylines beyond that, I think it’s an interesting journey we haven’t seen much of before on TV (outside of reality shows).
Oh wow, I really like that idea about the parallels betwen Jack and Toby. I hadn’t thought of that myself before, but it’s interesting.
I actually had to create an account to comment on this. I’m so frustrated with negative commentary about this show that is based on the idea that it’s too much about Kate’s weight, that Kate spends too much time thinking about her weight, whatever. If you’re not interested in that as a story, that’s fine. To each their own. If that hasn’t been your personal experience in life, that’s fine too, I’m happy for you. But don’t you dare tell me it’s unrealistic. I’ve seen countless critiques of Lady Gaga’s body over the past 2 days – and I don’t just mean from anonymous online commenters, I mean from people I know and see every day – and man, if Lady Gaga is too fat for people, I must be repulsive. It’s been a huge confidence booster, let me tell you. For me, and a lot of other overweight women I know, everything IS about the weight. It can affect every single interaction you have with another human being. Are they paying attention to me because they are interest in me, or because it’s a joke? If I eat a cheeseburger, am I going to get judged? If I eat a salad, will they think I’m on a diet and congratulate me? Is there enough room between tables, between chairs, between people, whatever, for me to fit without bumping into something? Every day, everywhere you go, something pops up that makes you worry about your weight and appearance. You point out Sookie and Molly as characters who were overweight but managed to live “normally,” but with respect, those were much more light-hearted shows than this. And save me the platitudes about being happy with yourself no matter what you look like, and being confident, etc. It’s not that easy, and it’s insulting to assume it is. So yeah, for me, “This is Us” HAS been groundbreaking. Chrissy Metz HAS been groundbreaking, along with the younger version of Kate. It may be a specific little niche, but I’ve never seen a more realistic portrayal of what I know life as an overweight woman to be. Kate’s interactions with her mother, and her more popular and handsome brother, are regular gut punches. Like I said, if you’re not interested in that kind of story, that’s fine. But for me, and other women I know, Kate has been incredibly cathartic. I see so much of myself in her pain and frustration. But maybe I’m just gloomy and weight-obsessed.
As for Toby, objectively yes, he’s the worst. And not in the fun way, like the people on “You’re the Worst.” But it also rings totally true that Kate would be attached to someone who seemed to genuinely be interested in her and want to spend time with her, obnoxious as he may be, or someone who is at all NICE to her. How often has any member of Kate’s family, aside from her dad, expressed any interest in her? I’m not saying it’s a great relationship, or that Kate should just accept whatever she can get, but I do think it’s easy to see how she can fall into that trap.
Hi!
As somebody with plenty of experience, my position is that Kate’s portrayal isn’t unrealistic in the sense that the one dimension they’ve given her doesn’t exist in anyone. It’s unrealistic in the sense that she’s utterly one-dimensional, and in real life, she would not be.
It’s not a question of whether it affects every relationship she has. It’s not a question of whether it can be devastating to her or to other people with similar experiences. But the fact that you call yourself “Princess Consuela” is, to me, literally more of a sense of humor and an awareness of culture and taste than Kate has ever been allowed to have.
I would describe it (and have described it) as the difference between a person who is ALWAYS a fat person — which I consider good storytelling — and a person who is ONLY a fat person — which I consider bad storytelling.
For me, it’s much less a matter of realism, strictly defined, than it is a matter of whether she’s an interesting character. If the only thing she ever thinks about is this, and if her feelings about it don’t evolve, then that’s not an interesting story to me, whether it’s realistic or not. It’s like … if you had someone who REALLY loved books, and books were all they ever talked or thought about, I wouldn’t necessarily think that was a good character to put on a TV show if that were all the writers had to say about them.
As for Toby, if I believed for one second that the show’s vision of their relationship was as nuanced as yours — that he’s the worst, that he’s bad for her, that she is settling when she shouldn’t — I’d feel totally differently about it. Instead, the show has always written that character as if she’s the one with the problem for resisting his charms, and the only thing the show has ever accepted might be wrong with him is that he’s a worse fat person than she is, because he doesn’t support her “weight loss journey.” I’ve never seen any evidence that the show doesn’t ultimately believe he’s a great guy, or that it understands that his disrespect for her boundaries is bad, not charming.
I’m glad it’s cathartic for you; I agree that from a representation perspective, it has some value. But to me, it’s overshadowed by the degree to which the show has failed to develop her as a character beyond a single trait, and I don’t think any character can really be compelling if you only know one thing about her.
Hi Linda! (I’m a fan)
Thanks for the response. You’ve given me some points to consider, for sure. I think I get very defensive of Kate because so much of her journey has reflected very specific parts of my personal life, that I’ve never seen portrayed this way and this realistically before. From last night’s episode alone, I’m choking up at my desk recalling the grossly condescending way Kevin and Sophie discussed her engagement. And while I can agree that more aspects of her character and personality can be written more fully, I also think that a lot of what we have seen from her can be universal, and it’s not all just fat people problems. She’s insecure and shy. She has a strained relationship with her mother, and has been overshadowed by a sibling, all while having a hidden talent that relates to the talents they share freely with the world. All of that is surely related to her weight in this case, but they’re issues anybody can face. She lost the parent she was closest to at a young age and still watches football with his ashes – we’ve been watching women with daddy issues on TV for decades. So I guess I just don’t view her as one-dimensional as other people do. I agree the character deserves more, but I don’t agree that what we have been given of Kate is quite so limited. But, like I said, it’s possible I’m just projecting because I can identify with her so much.
As an overweight woman who has had gastric surgery, I’m here to say yes, Kate’s story is shared by many but not all of us. I think Linda expressed it perfectly when she said one-note characters are ever interesting. Even with my background, I’m bored by someone whose entire life is defined by weight, whether it’s real or fictional. Lately I have also found myself wishing that they could give Kate a few more characteristics and experiences that had nothing to do with her weight.
Oops, that should have been “never interesting.” :-)
I’ve been saying all of this from the get-go, and I wasn’t even going to watch the show at first because it was clear even from the commercials that Kate was a stock miserable fat person. I am morbidly obese. I don’t think about my weight all the time. Yes, there are times when it really becomes the center of my every thought (e.g. planes, sporting events with narrow seats, etc.), but for the most part, I have many other aspects of myself that demand more attention. The only reason I keep watching is Sterling K. Brown and his story line.
It seems like weight is the last frontier. Society tells you to be who you are (unless you’re overweight). My mom was watching “American Housewife,” formerly known as the “Second Fattest Housewife in Newport.” She was screaming the whole time that “she is not fat! What is she, like a size 10? That’s not fat! It’s just her face that’s big!”. So here we have a woman weighing less than 150 pounds touted as “fat.” “This Is Us” is really brave to have an actress as one of the stars is actually plus-sized, but shame on them for making it only about her. How would we feel if her brother (the one played by Sterling K. Brown) only thought about being black? What if her twin brother were gay it was only about him being gay? We’ve come a (somewhat) long way on treating black and gay characters as humans. Why not someone who is overweight? I can’t watch the show myself. While I don’t think about my (over)weight all the time, it is an issue I don’t want to think about in my entertainment. If they treated Kate as a human, I’d watch that.
Only about her weight, I meant.
There are actually quite a few women in my family who are overweight and while yes, their weight is a fairly big issue for alot of them its not the center of their lives.Honestly there aren’t many truly realistic people on TV because no one can really be boiled down to one thing.
I do think the focus on her weight tends to prevent any other character development or information. For instance, I’m struggling at this moment to figure out what Kate’s current job is or has been since she left that assistant/nanny job.
I’m in the “Toby is great” camp and I think you have to dig deep to see why he does the things that he does. This is a dude who just had a heart attack and in the aftermath of that completely supported his mate as she decided to go make herself better despite the fact that he probably could have used a fuck ton of support after, again, HAVING A FUCKING HEART ATTACK. But he didn’t bat an eye and let her do what she needs to do. Yes, he comes off as obnoxious with the gestures, and he did cross boundaries before (the football game being the prime example), but I feel like him letting her go and not being that guy showed growth. Also, in that situation, he would have been totally in the right to be selfish and say, “Stay with me. I need you right now.” But he didn’t. So, yeah, he made an ass out of himself at the fat camp, but after what he went through, I think he has earned the right to be a bit obnoxious.
BIG fan of yours. The new podcast, the old, everything. But I signed up today just to comment. While many points here have some grounds, I posit that for an obese person, especially a woman, it just may be Kate,s truth that she is 100% engulfed by her weight (ugh, no pun intended.) As someone who has struggled with weight my whole life, and grew up with a close cousin my age who looked like Justin Hartley, my weight colored every. Single. Aspect. Of my life. It was always present, and part of everything. I lost most of my weight as an adult, and kept it off for years until a family emergency forced a relocation and within 5 years I gained 100lbs. Just gave up. It was horrible in every sense of the word and, again, colored every single interaction I had with the world. I recently had the sleeve done, and in 8 months have lost 100lb and am determined to keep it off, spinning 5 times a week and gym the other days.
So, while I too can find Kate’s preoccupation with her weight annoying and one-note, I think it can be accurate. I loved how they didn’t make it a thing with Sookie, yet how great would have episode where she had a heart to heart with Lorelei over this struggle, and her ultimate acceptance and self-love? I actually think now that you’ve made the analogy, GG missed a golden opportunity for an amazing episode! Finally, I don’t think Sookie was as large as Kate, and that makes a difference.
So, while I have some issues with the show, and Kate can seem one. It’s, I don’t find it inauthentic. Sure, you might hear from other obese people who agree with you. That’s the thing, just as every segment of society isn’t alike, all obese folks aren’t either. As a former member, I find it an accurate portrayal, though I do hope they show other sides to her as well (the singing was a nice reveal of Kate’s insecurity, hiding an obvious gift in her voice.)
I pretty much agree. When I was watching the pilot I thought, “this is the first show since “Super Fun Night” to have an overweight woman as the (or rather one of the four) main characters. And then I realized her only role was “the fat chick.” Granted, everyone was kind of terrible in the pilot (I still can’t get over why Hollywood considers a threesome with two hot women the ultimate symbol of ennui). But she really never has evolved beyond being the fat chick. Which is ridiculous, considering she was Kevin’s manager or agent or something. She should be a tough as nails entertainment industry veteran, even if she was just his assistant.
Having watched “The Biggest Loser” over the years (not that it’s an unequivocal Bible of how to lose weight), you learn quickly that the people that make the psychological breakthrough as to what caused them to get to that point in their life are the ones that have the greatest success. I guess I got caught in the trap of hoping that the writers would do more of exploring that in the flashbacks, as opposed to going through what’s turned into a hackneyed story of an overweight person struggling with their weight. And I do agree that Toby is easily the love/hate character in the show. My wife loves him. I think he’s obnoxious, and unfunny.
I immensely disagree with this! Kate’s weight issue defined her,creates her,motivates her,gives her passion,perspective,desire,intention, desire and values. I totally relate to get and her personality is on key. I hope with the show she learns to grow and blossom as Late and not a cardboard cutout that she is supose to “fit” into.
While I understand Alan and Linda Holmes’ objections to Kate’s character from a critical perspective, I don’t think they have a clue what fat people (and especially women) go through every day in the real world. I’m a guy who has been fat and thin (and is now in the middle). When I was truly fat, the people in my life kept up a neverending commentary about how I should “do something” about it. I was given nicknames based on my weight. If I had seconds at dinner, it was invariably commented upon. Ultimately I ended up skipping social/family events regularly and even dropping friends because I couldn’t handle the derision and concern trolling.
So I fully understand why Kate’s character would be hesitant to attend a glam Hollywood party (although she might be fine going to a less intimidating event). I understand her feeling that people judge her because of her weight–since they do! And of course now critics like Alan and Linda are judging her weight “obsession” just as harshly, because they don’t understand the constant real world negativity fat people face every day.
I am on board with the idea that Kate needs to become a more developed character and I think there are ways that the writers can do that while still acknowledging that she is constantly thinking about her weight. However, I am not on board with the “Toby is the worst” concept. As Alan has brought up before, and other commentors on here, Toby is very similar to Jack in their use of grand gestures. Do the people in the “Toby is the worst” camp also find all of Jack’s grand gestures annoying? I also felt we got a good explanation of the writer’s perspective on Toby in the previous episode where Toby tells Kevin that since he has not been blessed with Kevin’s physique he has to put forth tremendous effort to charm women – and that he has watched all the romantic comedies to get ideas for ways to do this. I have a hard time understanding why one would find Toby’s grand gestures annoying but Jack’s endearing, and I understand from Toby’s perspective why he deems them necessary in the relationships he is in.
I didn’t even notice her weight.
Randall on the other hand, with his work/life balance, so boring and cliched.
Did you know Kevin was in The Manny?