Dr. Dre Has 110 Million Reasons Not To Rap

08.28.12 5 years ago 34 Comments

If Dr. Dre Wrote An Open Letter To Hip-Hop, He’d Probably Say This

Dear Clamoring Hip-Hop Public Who Refuses To Leave Me Alone About Detox,

What’s going on? It’s Doc.

Look, I love you guys for supporting me for four decades now, but you’re really going to have to get off my back about this Detox mumbo jumbo. I know, I know. I’ve promised it for well over a decade, but hear me out. I just earned $110 million last year from hustling headphones. You think I give a damn about dropping an album half of you said you don’t even want to hear now anyway?

Look, there really are no hard feelings. I promise there aren’t, but when you’re making nine figures off some damn headphones and having your name plastered all over Forbes as #5 on their top earning celebrities list, you begin to look at the world a lot differently.

I mean, seriously, I gave you The Chronic and 2001. I just don’t want to do the album anymore, guys. You understand right? I promise to give Kendrick at least two vintage Beats By Dre on his album as a compromise.* Deal? Excellent. Deal. I knew you guys would feel me on this one. I’m out of here though. I’ve got money to count. Jay Electronica, what’s your excuse, buddy?


The Guy Who Gave You NWA, Snoop, Death Row, “California Love,” Aftermath, Eminem, 50 Cent, Sorta Kinda (But Not Really) Kendrick Lamar & These Headphones Which Have Made Me Richer Than Most Small Countries AKA “Dr. Dre”

P.S. – You can read this letter through my headphones.

* – See what I did there? It was kind of like a double entendre. Who said I don’t write my own stuff?!

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