Kobe Bryant’s Thoughts On The Dwight Howard Trade, “Just In Case You’re Curious”

08.10.12 6 years ago 53 Comments

Before Team USA faces off against Argentina in the Olympic semifinals, Kobe Bryant checks in from London via his Facebook to weigh in with his thoughts on the Lakers trade that shipped away Andrew Bynum but brought in Dwight Howard. As Kobe puts it, “Superman has found a home” and the Dwightmare is over, at least for now.

“Well, it looks like Superman has found a home. I wish nothing but the best for Big Bynum. I hope he follows what was a great season last year with an even better one next year. I know LA is excited about the deal and rightfully so. The Lakers landed a piece that will hopefully carry the franchise long after I’m gone. I have spoken to Dwight Howard already and we are locked and loaded to bring back the title. Wow, what a summer Jimmy and Mitch have had so far. Unreal! I’m focused on our semifinal game vs Argentina but I had to pause for a few to send you my thoughts, in case you were curious..”

Kobe, after spilling his thoughts out, might have looked at Team USA’s OKC trio and said “Oh, that lunch table? Y’all still can’t sit there, chumps!” KD probably stared at the ground, Russ rolled his eyes and Harden hid in his beard again in response. Yes, the NBA is run by bullies.

For those panicking on how to beat the league’s newest “super-team,” fret not for here is a foolproof plan to ensure the Lakers do not return to the mountain top of the NBA. Don Sterling is a real estate tycoon, right? Have him buyout whatever property’s next door to Dwight. Then designate it as a safe haven for porno flicks. He’ll have season long mono by December and that’s just the start of it.

“You’re welcome.”

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