Three 2013 Music Festivals That Don’t Suck Like Coachella

02.06.13 5 years ago 28 Comments

That wet, droopy fart you heard slip out your computer speakers two weeks ago was Coachella’s announcing its 2013 line-up.

Here, in case you forgot your computer’s reaction to a Red Hot Chili Peppers headliner…

But the Coachella disaster is old news. Yesterday, three more music festivals announced their 2013 versions, so let’s revel.

From the Pacific Northwest, Sasquatch! Music Festival (a fest this guy’s been enviously scoping for a couple of years now), to be held May 24-27 at The Gorge in Quincey, Washington, continues its alternative-, rap- and comedy-heavy preference from years past. Featured acts this year include Vampire Weekend (!), Sigur Ros (!!), Danny Brown, Ab-Soul & Schoolboy Q, Killer Mike, Nick Offerman (!!!) and Jenny Slate, that really cute stoner chick with the vaporizer from Bored to Death.

In other words, Washingtonians will have a fine little festival to enjoy with their newly enacted marijuana laws–or whenever they figure out the legalities of that.

Out east, at the venue that Animal Collective made quasi-famous, Merriweather Post Pavillion will host the 4th-annual Sweetlife Festival on May 11. True, it is only one day. However, look at what the food and music fest packed into its 24 hours: Passion Pit, Kendrick Lamar, Phoenix, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Gary Clark Jr., Solange and Holy Ghost! Also on the bill, Columbus, Ohio’s Twenty One Pilots are pretty rad, too, and not just because an old acquaintance is associated with the group.

And last, but certainly not least, let’s eye-f*ck a Nightcap’s tits out of this Primavera Sound Porto line-up, which goes from May 30 to June 1 in Portugal: My Bloody Valentine! Fucked Up! Deerhunter! Grizzly Bear (sigh). Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds! James Blake! Bad ass, especially when one considers that Primavera Sound–at least in its Barcelona version–brought us a Nathan Williams freak fest and one of the greatest Hip-Hop interviews of all time.

So go ahead and warn the landlord about your upcoming rent situation. It’s festival season.

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