V Stiviano May Be Creepin’ On A Major Come-Up Thanks To The LA Clippers Sale

08.02.14 4 years ago 38 Comments


Here’s a universal truth we all know and is, unofficially, 63.8% of the reason people get married in the first place.

Sex with with a condom:

Happy gif

Sex without a condom:

Homer Simpson

The second option is always the more coveted, but always brings with it the most stress when it’s with the wrong person. Especially when its with the wrong person. Waking up with H-I-syph-gono-herpes is enough to reconsider going Rawdog Ricky on the young lady you met at the bar. And the prospect of 18 years? Yeah, the run to the store for a pack of Trojans isn’t all that bad when putting things in perspective.

Because you could end up with a baby mama like V Stiviano.

Stiviano’s always had a strong face, deterring me from her. But as Mrs. Pearly from Friday After Next so eloquently put it in 2002, “I know somebody like it!”  Stiviano took to Instagram to celebrate both the sale of the Clippers and her daughter Madison’s birthday. In fact, the high-scale, backseat backshot is planning ways to announce who the father is in her e-diary.

“Didn’t really wanted to do this but you left me no choice. It’s been four years since we met; so she says. Madison is going to be four soon. I think we should celebrated it, at a big event. Perhaps opening night of the #laclippers game or we can decide and wait till NEW YEARS to bring in 2015 with incredible news. I was thinking more in the sense of dropping hints until they- they (meaning the people of the “UNITED NATIONS” ) get it. And when they do get the message, via #Instagram.

They’re all going to know your the father and I’m the mother. There would be no reason for a paternity test; because we already have one. Then now – meaning NOW, we would all be in trouble. Wouldn’t we? LET THE GAMES BEGAN!!! Can anyone guest who’s the father of my beautiful daughter Madison V Stiviano ? #VSTIVIANO #MADISONVSTIVIANO.”

There’s also this tidbit that was, of course, quickly deleted.

The running sentiment is the girl’s father being none other than Donald Sterling, which makes total sense when taking into consideration she topped him off the first time they met. The possibility of the father being a player looms, but with the mention of the sale and Sterling about to come up on $2 billion, Stiviano’s child support checks could be seeing a spike soon, too.

Credit to V, though. Screw a senile 80-something-year-old billionaire businessman. Get pregnant. Out that he’s a racist. Well, out that he’s a racist again. He’s forced to sell the team for a huge payday. Free press for her. The woman had a plan; a plan she probably never saw panning out like this, a plan to make her daughter the offspring of a groupie and a racist, but a plan nonetheless.

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