As a mixed martial arts fighter, Ben Fodor knows a thing or two about being invincible, what with his whole 11-0 career record. Unfortunately, when Fodor decided to take up the alter ego of “Phoenix Jones”, a so-called “superhero” and crimefighter in Seattle, we kind of stopped caring about whatever it is that Fodor likes to do in the octagon.
In fact, last we checked in with Phoenix Jones, he was doing his “keeping the streets safe” thing on a night just like tonight, when some racist dudes picked a fight with him. You see, sometimes when you dress like a badass, people might see that as a challenge, especially if that badass is black and those people are racist a-holes. Fortunately, Washington is a “mutual combat” state and Jones disposed of the racist a-hole in a most delightful manner.
But now, fine citizens of the Emerald City and the general Lynnwood area, Jones needs your help. He’s expanding his operation to take down more than just Klu Klux Karl, and you just might be his next sidekick.
WANT TO BE A PART OF THE RAIN CITY SUPERHERO MOVEMENT !!! HERE IS HOW
requirements:
YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE
steady form of income
a form or Washington state issued id
an out of state driver license must be accompanied with proof of residence in Washington state and must be switch over by the end of your “rookie” phase
no felony crimes or violent crimes (if you have a crime pending you will not be accepted till the case is closed or resolved)
military, police, or provable martial arts experience( i will test you on this be accurate with your training level)
first aid, CPR cards are required ( we have a person that provides this at a discount and follows strict confidentiality agreements.
you must have a bulletproof vest level 2A or better (this will be provided for your first couple of patrols. you must own one within a month of being excepted.
( we have a company that provides these at a extreme discount)
you must not be a journalist or a person going to school for journalism.
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SUBMIT A FORM FOR BACKGROUND CHECK AS WELL AS SIGN A CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.
(IF YOU ARE MISSING A BULLETPROOF VEST,CPR CARD,FIRST AID CARD,AND HAVE TO SWITCH YOUR ID OVER THE START UP COST SHOULD BE 135.50. YOU WILL BE GIVEN DIRECT INFORMATION ON HOW TO ACQUIRE AND CONTACT THESE COMPANIES NO MONEY WILL BE PASSED THROUGH THE TEAM.)
Now, I don’t live in Seattle, but I’d love to help. Perhaps I can’t start by cleaning up your promotional materials a little. My superhero name could be the Web Master Blaster. Think about it, Phoenix. You can reach me in my secret lair, AKA my couch, where I watch Seinfeld reruns.
(Banner via)
