Previously on The Best and Worst of Smackdown: Kane continued gaslighting Seth Rollins, and nobody seemed to notice or care. Probably too busy filming Be A Star promos or something. Seth found some inspiration in a trio of trombone-playing, positivity-preaching prophets, but unfortunately this led to segment where Kane (KANE) destroyed Seth and the tag division on his own. Meanwhile, Sasha Banks resurfaced and scored a win and Bray made me want to see his Hell in a Cell match by shutting up for once.
Keep on a-scrollin’ for The Best and Worst of Smackdown for Oct. 8, 2015.
Best: It’s So Real
The New Day came out to kick off Smackdown and gloat about looking like competent, tough pro wrestlers at the end of this week’s Raw, and because Stephanie McMahon wouldn’t touch Smackdown with a 10-foot-pole, nobody was around to tell them to shut up for interrupting a text. They beat up John Cena, Dolph Ziggler and The Dudley Boyz all at once! Nobody’s ever done that! Not since the inception of this very earth! Not The Shield, not The Wyatt’s, not the NWO, not Los Boricuas, nobody! Man, Xavier Woods likes those Savio Vega references. He drops Savio Vega shout outs more often than CM Punk mentions Colt Cabana.
After a bit of riffing on the Philadelphia Eagles, which I didn’t particularly understand, but nevertheless found very entertaining, Dolph Ziggler shrugged with way out. Oh no. Actually, Ziggler wasn’t that bad, but you can see the sadness in his eyes when he has to deliver scripted Three Stooges jokes while New Day get to improvise their well-toned booties off. Eventually, things shake down to Dolph vs. Big E with The Dudleyz in Dolphs corner.
Best: Big E, Sweaty Threat
As usual, the highlight here were the hijinks at ringside. Xavier Woods lecturing us on the difference between bicep meat and tricep meat [takes notes] and playing Dolph’s theme song on the trombone. Kofi playing commentator. I could watch these guys buying socks for an hour. Get on that, WWE Network.
There wasn’t a whole lot to the match itself, it was mostly just Big E working Dolph over, but I like this new role they seem to be establishing for E. He’s still a goofball, but once he gets in the ring, he’s methodical. Dangerous. A sweat-drenched shark. Eventually, Dolph takes advantage of a blind charge gone awry and starts putting together some offense, at which point the rest of New Day sprang into action. The Dudleyz try to stop them, but The New Day are just better at cheating than they are. The Dudleyz are running around like headless chickens pulling New Day members off the apron, but somehow as soon as one gets yanked down, another one pops up. Again, this is great – New Day should be masters of and and all ringside shenanigans, from screaming about tricep meat, to interfering in matches. Translate their charisma into some Los Guerreros cheat-to-win success.
Best: Being Proactive
Oh no, the wedding magazines. I’m having flashbacks. Rusev, buddy, you’re going to be seeing a lot of those for the foreseeable future. So yeah, I think even WWE might be coming around to the realization that Rusev isn’t such a bad dude. Hot Summer’s going around telling everybody’s she’s engaged, even though she’s not, which really isn’t cool, but Rusev doesn’t even get mad or yell. He’s just “Hey, so, what’s up?” they talk out a solution and then Rusev grabs Summer’s butt in celebration of a compromise reached. I can relate to this Rusev guy. This thing is certainly healthier than Rusev and Lana not even acknowledging their relationship on TV, while living out their power fantasies by beating up R-Truth.
Best: Team NBC
As much as we like to complain about the constant Divas Revolution six-woman tags, I think they’ve served an important purpose. They’ve allowed all the girls to work with each other, find their rhythms and level the playing field. After a couple months of these tag matches, all the “Divas Revolution” branded ladies are working on more or less the same level. Sure, Sasha, Becky and Charlotte are still the leaders, but girls like Naomi, Brie Bella and Alicia Fox have risen to the new level of competition. I don’t know if everybody would have got up to speed so quickly if they had focused on singles matches. Some girls would have been left behind.
Anyways, the new general level of Divas Division competence was on display here, as this was just a good, solid, well-worked tag match. There was maybe a bit too much Alicia Fox, who’s still a touch weak in the ring, but it was good to see Natalya having fun and no longer having to wrestle with the breaks on. Also good to see her in black PVC, as usual. The finish was also a lot of fun, with girls sneaking in and reversing, then re-reversing a figure four, leading to yet another Nikki tap out. Hmmm, they’re certainly beating Nikki like a sexy government mule leading up to her title match at Hell in a Cell. Oh well, let us not forget Nikki’s own teachings about wins and losses not mattering.
Best: Ryback And Rusev Are Engaged
Okay WWE, we know Ryback isn’t great on the mic, but do you have to rub it in by also assigning him your worst writers as well? “You’re going to be engaged alright, engaged with a man with a VORACIOUS APPETITE.” Say what? Like, there’s no interpretation of that line that wouldn’t make a sixth-grader smirk. I mean, if Ryback wants to make the Rusev-Summer-Lana thing a rectangle, that’s fine with me, but it doesn’t really work as a tough guy threat.
Anyways, Ryback being a bad writing garbage dump aside, I actually thought this battle was pretty good. This the second week in a row I’ve liked a Ryback match. Human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria. The match was mostly Rusev working over Ryback’s hand, which at least provided some structure, which is what Ryback matches almost always lack. When it was Ryback’s time to make his comeback, he actually did so with some fire, and then he hit Rusev with the Shellshock and pinned him for the win. Clean as a freakin’ sheet. Well, that was refreshing. Hmmm, this Goldberg-looking guy fighting hard and just straight-up beating dudes. I wonder if this could work?
Best: Wrath Of Braun
Don’t look now guys, but I think ol’ Chunky Beef Stewman may be starting to figure this sh*t out. When he first debuted he had a remarkable lack of presence for a guy whose mere existence ought to terrify us all. There’s a reason everybody was comparing him to Samwell Tarly and every other moonfaced dork they could think of.
But here, he actually delivered the creep factor, and his bit about how he would catch rabbits, squeeze them tight in his hands and help them cross over was one of the most legitimately sinister lines to come out of the Wyatt Family in months. Don’t worry, though, even if he becomes unironically good, we’ll still always be able to make fun of Spawn Troutman’s name.
Worst: All Hail, Eh, Whatever
Woof, Wade Barrett clearly could not care less about returning to WWE. Dude just wanders out in a t-shirt, looking all movie manscaped and 20-pounds lighter than when he left. Barrett’s got Christian body now. Next thing you know he’s going to show up spray painted Simpsons yellow.
Barrett’s match with Neville was a big ol’ nothing. Barrett has never been super great in the ring, but he is a good actor with some good facials, but here he just looked stone bored. After a few minutes of stumbling through the motions, Barrett hits the elbow and the announcers mumbled something about how prestigious being King of the Ring is or something. Uh huh. Just give Barrett a David Otunga deal and let him go off and do whatever, because it’s obvious he won’t be contributing anything worthwhile as a wrestler anymore.
Best: Pick A Card
So, Stardust is looking for his future in a deck of cards. He makes his choice, but of course doesn’t show us, because something that important simply couldn’t be unveiled on Smackdown. As long as it’s not the “have 100 more matches with Neville” card or the Jack of Swaggers, I’m sure Stardust will be alright.
Best: Big Dudes Scrappin’
I wasn’t terribly looking forward to this Reigns and Orton vs. Wyatt and Strongdude showdown. I particularly wasn’t excited when Bray literally compared the match to purgatory in his inset promo. Don’t have to dig too deep to decode that statement. But you know what? The match was actually pretty fun.
Everybody was working hard (even Randy Orton) and heaven help me, but I think Broadway Showman may have found his X-factor. The only thing the guy’s capable of is yelling and hitting shoulder tackles, but against my better judgment I kind of got into Reigns and Orton trying to chop this redwood down. He’s the immovable object, man. THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT. Most of the match was designed to build up Reigns finally Superman punching the big man out of the ring, and when he finally did, I’ll admit it, I felt a little electricity.
Unfortunately, Bray hit Reigns with a chair soon thereafter for the DQ, but the after match brawling was solid stuff. Everybody still seemed to be fighting rather than your usual, “Welp, the match is over, so let’s trade finishers” scenario. I don’t know if they can keep this fight going until Hell in a Cell, but for now, Roman and Bray still have my attention.
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