On this week’s Smackdown spoilers report, we make a bunch of assumptions about the go-home show for Survivor Series. It’s bookended by a talk show segment and a tag team match, making it the essential Smackdown experience.
Here’s What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
(except for the parts that are obviously jokes)
– The show opens with the title tournament semi-finalists on Miz TV, and (gasp) they all brawl. They reprise the “R-Truth doesn’t know he’s not involved in the upcoming match” bit, which is great, and not a joke I wrote for this column. Miz complained and demanded his match for the night be canceled, which led directly to:
1. Cesaro defeated The Miz. Cesaro won in about 90 seconds, which would be an accomplishment against nearly anyone but the current version of The Miz. After the match, Miz solemnly gathered his belongings and went home to see his model wife and watch a Christmas movie starring himself.
2. Neville and The Dudley Boyz defeated Stardust and The Ascension. Did you love the Dudleys vs. Ascension match from yesterday? Let’s add a feud from August to it.
3. Tyler Breeze defeated Zack Ryder. HE AIN’T HYPE (he ain’t hype) HE AIN’T HYPE (he ain’t hype) HE AIN’T HYPE (he ain’t hype). During the match, Tyler Breeze went to the store and bought tampons for Summer Rae and JBL barged in to get super upset about it. On Monday, Breeze will reveal that Summer makes more money than him and JBL will have a heart attack.
– The Undertaker, Kane and The Wyatt Family continued to feud via pyro and prop extras.
4. Charlotte defeated Brie Bella. If you ever need to know which Bella is the Shawn and which one’s the Marty, pay attention to what happens to them when they’re alone. With Nikki Bella sidelined, Brie has become a withering flower. I assume Charlotte won with the Figure Eight after Brie worked her knees, back and elbows for 35 minutes.
5. Big E defeated Kalisto. Flukes don’t happen when you fight for your dreams! Kalisto is no longer fighting for his dreams, I guess.
6. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose defeated Kevin Owens and Alberto Del Rio. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, Smackdown gotta do a tag team main-event nobody will remember in a month. Reigns and Ambrose win, because of course they do. We’ve got a Survivor Series main-event ending to foreshadow!
