A 12-Year Old Girl Can't Play Football Because Boys Get Boners, And Also The Bible

Maddy Blythe is a 12-year old girl who loves football and attends a Christian private school in Georgia. Even if you haven’t read the headline, that’d probably tip you off to where this story is going.

Maddy is good at football. She made her school’s team and recorded either four or five sacks, depending on who’s counting. Her dream is to be a player on the collegiate level, breaking down gender segregation boundaries and indirectly launching a thousand assy Internet arguments about the denseness of shoulder joints or whatever guys get bent about when a woman tries to play sports. The sad thing is that Maddy’s not even going to get that far, because the same school that allowed her a spot on the team has removed her for quite possibly the worst and most hilarious reason to get cut from a football team ever. It’s the “you’re a girl” thing, but so much more.

So much more.

“Just for the fact that because I’m a girl. Which I think is completely outrageous,” Maddy said.

Maddy and her mom told Dore the CEO of the school said boys have lustful thoughts and bad language and cited the Bible.

That’s right, America In 2013: Maddy doesn’t get to play sports because she might give a bunch of 12-year olds boners and hear them say curse words. You’ve got to prevent that kind of thing, as it makes clear in the Holy Bible. There’s an entire part of Acts devoted to how 12-year old boobs make boys mumble like they’ve got Tourette’s and just start jacking it wherever they stand.

Here’s the video clip, in case you need confirmation that a guy seriously took away a child’s fun because of her boner-giving abilities.

This is the worst part:

“That men and women are created equal but different, and he said that he prayed about it and it was the wrong thing to do,” Maddy said.

No matter how you feel about religion or what religion you are, “I prayed on it” is the most bullshit cop-out ever. It’s Christianity’s version of pretending to get a phone call and excusing yourself. You’re basically saying “I thought about it for a while without any intention of changing my mind, and now here’s an excuse you can’t refute.” Especially for stuff like this, you know? God’s an important go-to guy for life decisions, but he REALLY does not to hear how conflicted you are over how sexy this 12-year old is. Or, alternately, he totally DOES need to hear about it, and you’re asking him the wrong questions. I refuse to believe that God heard this guy’s prayers and answered, “yeah man, she’s gonna hear them say the f-word, crush her dreams, it’ll be better that way. No, it’s cool, don’t just tell the 12-year olds to stop cursing and being creeps to her.”

Hopefully the Internet will be powerful enough to get Maddy to a better school, where she can play football without it being dicknose news.

[h/t to Prep Rally]