As a grown adult male who has never been able to grow sufficient facial hair, I don’t typically handle news involving mustaches and beards very well, but if that news creates the opportunity to rank celebrity mustaches and/or beards then I can live with it. In this case, Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers appeared on Jim Rome’s new show on Showtime Wednesday night and Romey asked the hard-hitting questions as usual.
Asked Rome, as his assistant cleared a spot on his mantle for a Pulitzer:
“You have long been a practitioner of the mustache. In the spirit of Movember, who are the greatest ‘staches in history? Which gentlemen belong on Mount ‘Stachemore?”
Of course I’m kidding with my jabs at Rome, because this kind of question is right up my alley, perhaps behind similar queries like “Have you ever tried to get two girls pregnant in the same threesome?” to Antonio Cromartie or “A-cup, D-cup or a nice palm full?” to Jay Cutler. So who did Rodgers name as his facial hair inspirations? Dude, it’s right there in the headline. Geez.
“I have always been a big fan of the facial hair.”
*insert Bears fan’s beard joke here*
“I’m gonna have to give a couple people credit here – my father, first of all, always rocked the mustache for the majority of my childhood life. Only recently when it has gone white has he decided to shave it, but with some urging from my brothers, he has started to grow it back. So I have to put my dad up there. Tom Selleck, of course, a no-brainer. Burt Reynolds has long been a fan of the mustache, but my favorite mustache of all-time has got to be Sam Elliott, especially the one he rocked in Tombstone. He’s still rocking it today. He’s still my main inspiration, other than my father.”
I will not argue Elliott’s ‘stache. Unless you’re willing to open the debate to include cartoon characters so I could nominate Yosemite Sam, there’s simply no argument here.
But what does Elliott think about this flattery? According to TMZ, he’s as humble as he is grizzled.
Sam was dumbfounded, telling TMZ, “NO WAY! You’re bullsh*tting me.”
How do you just run into Sam-F*cking-Elliott at a grocery store? I just imagine that the townswomen bring him baked hams and bottled milk each day so that he keeps the coyotes from stealing their babies. That’s the Sam Elliott world I want to believe in.