This High School Football Team Is So Big That Other Teams Are Forfeiting Before They Even Play

There’s a problem brewing with high school football in Washington state — the large (not quite yet adult) sons of Archbishop Murray High School.

So far this season, the catholic school has been crucifying opponents, winning the three games it has actually played by a combined 170-0. The problem is the average size of the players is so much bigger than that of their opponents that three schools have chosen to forfeit rather than accept a two-hour throttling at the hands of high school kids big enough to teach classes.

The latest team to forfeit, Granite Falls, which sounds like a rugged town that was founded by man’s men mining granite on 16-hour shifts to keep the town alive, crystalized the issue to when it comes to private vs. public schools in scholastic sports.

“The biggest concern is the recruiting aspect that private schools are able to do. They can pull from a 50-mile radius from their campus and send buses to pick the kids up,” said Granite Falls Head Coach Tim Dennis. “Just the level of athletes they’ve been able to bring in on one team, it doesn’t match up with a lot of the teams in our league.”

“It’s not that we’re afraid to play the game, it’s an injury issue,” said Dennis. “Because of the size disparity between the linemen. They have 300-pound linemen. And we have sophomores that are weight 210, 220 pounds and starting on varsity. So that’s the issue, is the size disparity.”

“My son is 5-foot-8″ and weighs 117 pounds and just got out of middle school and just turned 14. They’ve got 18-year-old players that are 6-foot-5″ and weigh 330 pounds. I mean, that’s like putting a Volkswagen bug against a mack truck,” said Granite Falls mom Stacey McBride.

Usually, private schools play other private schools to maintain an even playing field, but Archbishop, ranked first in the state by the AP, is tearing through its conference. This is the part of the story where someone says UGH MILLENNIALS or something like BACK WHEN I PLAYED WE GOT POUNDED BY PRIVATE SCHOOLS AND LIKED IT. But if you’re rotating in backups that are 14 years old to go against 300-pound beef stacks, you’re basically risking that kid’s life, so shut your pie hole.

Besides, we all remember what happened to that one small kid that took part in one high school football play. Jake Wyler still does.