Even though the Los Angeles Clippers still aren’t technically for sale because of those things that the lawyers said about Shelly Sterling, the speculation campaign marches on with everyone from Magic Johnson to Oprah Winfrey being listed in some regard as a possible co-owner of the Clippers once Donald Sterling is finally fired into the sun. But on last night’s The Arsenio Hall Show, the resurgent talk show host dropped a bombshell of his own. Hall wants to buy the Clippers outright, but he just needs to get past the little, nagging problem of the fact that he doesn’t have $1 billion.
That’s why he started the world’s most unrealistic Indiegogo project, so he can ask people to donate that billion to him so he can buy the NBA franchise. I call it unrealistic because there’s no way in hell that anyone could raise a billion dollars through crowdsourcing, short of promising that the project would allow a naked Kate Upton to deliver a cure for cancer to every man on Earth. That’s why if Hall’s goal goes unmet, any money raised will then go to the NAACP. It’s a win-win for people who hate Donald Sterling.
First of all, I’ll donate $100 right now if Hall teaches me how to talk in fragments like he does while emphasizing everything with a finger point. That man has a style matched by no one. But the actual prizes for donations are pretty awesome as well. For $100, your name will appear on screen, while $250 will get you a personalized Vine message. For $500, Hall will say your name on television (take THAT, girls who dumped me for having no direction!) and $1,000 will buy you the opportunity to write a joke that Hall will tell on one of his shows.
The bigger prizes roll in when the digits get larger, though, and a cool $5,000 allows you to introduce Hall on one of his shows. For $35,000, Hall will get an actual tramp stamp of your name and he’ll show it on air. And the biggest prize of them all, for a whopping $100,000, is the privilege of serving as Hall’s sidekick for a whole episode. Can I launch an Indiegogo just to raise the $100,000 for this prize?