Ryan Mallett’s Stage Dad Vows Revenge on Dolphins, For Some Reason

In a story ripped from the headlines of The Onion, Jim Mallett, father of New England Patriots draft pick QB Ryan Mallett, told the Boston Herald will get “payback” on the Miami Dolphins for not drafting him in the first round. You see, it was Ryan’s dream to be drafted in the first round, and the Dolphins took away his dream.

“They took another guy,” Jim Mallett said. “Ryan said, ‘Payback.’ He remembers it all.”

I’d be afraid of revenge from anybody named “Mallett.” What’re you going to do to the Dolphins? They’re pretty paid back already.

Jim Mallett is probably the most laid-back of the NFL’s new crop of stage dads. When Ryan was arrested for public intoxication, Mallett went to the papers to talk about the “tears in his mother’s eyes” caused by an inability to “control what they are saying.” When Ryan signed autographs in Walmart and secretly sent Hogs apparel to a hospitalized boy three states away, his Dad hit speed dial and called up the Herald to let them know about it. He did the same thing when Ryan left Michigan.

“Ryan’s the one who called (Rich Rod),” Jim Mallett told the Herald. “He said, “Can I talk about the offense?’ And then he told me, ‘Daddy, (Rodriguez) never looked me in the eye.’ He never visited with the family, he didn’t talk to us. But hey, it wasn’t a fit. Let’s move on.”

If I was Ryan Mallett, I’d get revenge on my father for telling the newspaper I’m in college and still calling him “daddy.”

More on this story as Jim Mallett allows it to develop.