After the New York Giants started the season 0-4, some of the exotic dancers from my second home at Rick’s Cabaret in New York City offered their support and even some advice for the embattled Eli Manning and his anemic offense. But after yet another embarrassing loss – a 36-21 drubbing at the hands of the Philadelphia Eagles – the wonderful ladies of Rick’s are putting their 7-inch stilettos down. They’re not going to show Giants games anymore because they’re depressing all of the customers.
“Nobody throws a party better than Rick’s Cabaret–we are all about fun–and it’s no fun watching the Giants anymore,” explained Rick’s Cabaret Girl Lindsay. “We love the Giants, but they get the crowd at our Weekend Football Viewing Parties all depressed.”
Rick’s Cabaret Girl Alexandra discussed the Giants/Eagles game. “There’s like a hundred sexy topless girls here and everyone was exceedingly happy until it became clear during the second half that Eli Manning and the Giants were going to lose again.”
Rick’s Cabaret Girl Yvonne said, “I’ve been showing off my new 34Ds and getting compliments all the time, except right after Giants games–the guys are sort of deflated–they take that football stuff too seriously!”
“We will continue to show all other NFL teams and sporting contests on our TVs,” said club spokesman Lonnie Hanover.
If Yvonne and her new 34Ds would like to become Miami Dolphins fans with me, they’re more than welcome to, but I’ve otherwise had a hard time feeling bad for Giants fans and their one crappy season start that comes on the heels of two Super Bowl wins in the last five years. Then again, I’ve long shared the same message passed down to me by my father and his father and his father’s father’s father before him, and that is “Nobody likes a sad stripper.” So for all of us, Giants, please start winning.