Bad News, BROS: Science Geeks Say That Beer Goggles Are A Myth

03.06.13 5 years ago 2 Comments

Some day Lamar Odom is going to have to be honest about his marriage, and thanks to some scientists in the United Kingdom, he just lost his biggest excuse. Smart bros at Durham University – go Bulls! – have released a very important study that may forever stick a dagger in the heart of the Beer Goggles theory.

According to some big words and fancy science talk, chasing 3’s and 4’s at last call can no longer be blamed on blurred vision and tricks of the mind, and instead can all be written off as just plain, old bein’ horny.

Study author psychologist Dr. Amanda Ellison said that alcohol doesn’t make people look more attractive, it just increases their level of lust.

“There is no imagined physical transformation, just more desire,” Allison said, according to “Alcohol switches off the rational and decision-making areas of the brain while leaving the areas to do with sexual desire relatively intact.” (Via the HuffPo)

Look, I know I’m gonna catch some crap for this at the next BRO meeting, but I have to interject in this stupid, stupid, STUPID waste of time and money. I mean, there are doctors out there who are doing important things, like curing toddlers of AIDS and making beer with higher alcohol percentages. But these limey quacks? They’re just telling us what we already know and slapping “SCIENCE” on it in big red letters.

Obviously “beer goggles” isn’t a real thing just like “classy sorority girl” isn’t a thing either. But we use these fancy terms and phrases so we feel better about ourselves when our bros bag on us and we have to lie. And years later, when we go back to our frat golf tournaments and see how miserable everyone is, we shout, “WHO’S GOT THE BEER GOGGLES NOW, JIZZY PETE?!?!”

Not that I’m speaking from experience.

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