11.16.07 10 years ago 22 Comments

Barry Bonds, baseball's all-time home run king*, yesterday was indicted by a federal grand jury on four counts of being a lying sack of shit and one count of obstruction of justice.  And yeah, I know the courts have to do the whole "due process" thingy, but I'm just going to go ahead and save myself some "allegedlys" and call the asshole guilty.  Mmm, that feels good.  GUILTY!  Try it out yourself.

So when the most cherished career mark in baseball belongs to a guy who's going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, that's bad for the game, right?  No!  In fact, according to commissioner Bud Selig, the game of baseball is healthier than ever!  Why, just look at A-Rod re-signing with the Yanks!  And hey!  Jake Peavy won the Cy Young!

…Seriously, though: A-Rod has to have done something since yesterday afternoon to trump this.  Did he and his wife go to a swingers party?  Did he punch out Scott Boras?  Get announced as the MVP?  Throw out some bad milk?  Dammit, A-Rod!  Give Selig something to work with.  This Bonds thing isn't gonna go away until A-Rod holds a press conference.  A press conference to read his grocery list?  Sure, that'll work.

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