The Best And Worst Of WWE SmackDown 4/28/16: Settle Your Tea Kettle


Smackdown 4:28:16

Hey, Blue Team.

Not a lot of great wrestling on this week’s wrestling show, but a lot of fun non-wrestling segments. We’ve had some great wrestling on Smackdown the past few weeks, so I’m going to let this one slide. Nothing much happens, unless you count the breakup of League of Nations. And I don’t.

If you enjoy me watching SmackDown so you don’t have to, please consider sharing, liking, and commenting. While you’re at it, follow With Spandex on Twitter and like us on Facebook.

And now without further ado, here is The Best and Worst of SmackDown for April 28, 2016.

Worst: Don’t Believe That

This week’s Smackdown opens with “The Guy,” Roman Reigns, casually making his way to the ring. He reminds us that this past Monday on Raw, he punched AJ Styles in the mouth and tells us that he’s going to do it again this Sunday. AJ’s a pretty seasoned competitor, so if I were Roman, I would probably come into that match with a better plan than just “punch him in the mouth.” He says he punched Styles because he doesn’t believe him when he says Anderson and Gallows aren’t working for him. This of course brings out The Miz and Maryse, because as we saw last week The Miz is deeply entangled in the web of lies that AJ has spun, for reasons that have not and will not be explained. Miz reminds Roman and the WWE Universe that he was the first person to publicly expose and confront AJ about working together with Gallows and Anderson. The Miz thinks he deserves some credit for that, so Roman Reigns punches him in the face. And that’s the end of the segment. Roman Reigns. He’s not a good guy. He’s not a bad guy. He’s just a dick. All The Miz did was agree with him, then explain to Roman what is going to go down between him and AJ at Payback, by comparing it to a Morgan Freeman movie, then asking for credit where credit is due.

Imagine you’re at work at Target, when your annoying coworker and his hot wife come up to you. Your coworker tells you that this Sunday you’ll be working with Gary, the new guy in Electronics, who transferred in from and out of town Target a few months back. He tells you that this is going to suck because Gary doesn’t clean up his department at the end of the night. He just hangs out in the breakroom with those other two new guys who he’s friends with because they use to work together at that same out of town Target. He tells you that he publicly confronted Gary about this last week, quotes a movie, tells you that you’re going to have to clean up after Gary on Sunday, and then asks you to give him credit for confronting Gary about his lazy breakroom hangouts. What would you do in this situation? The answer is probably not “immediately punch your coworker in the face,” because you’re not a psychopath. That is the sort of thing psychopaths do. Now I know this is Sports Entertainment, and much like a Trump rally we settle all our differences with violence around here, but the key word for me in Sports Entertainment is Sports. This is at its base, supposed to be a sport. And even though I’m not a big basketball fan. I feel pretty confident in telling you that if Chris Paul told Blake Griffin that he was going to have a tough game coming up with the Trail Blazers on Sunday, that Griffin wouldn’t punch him in the face.

Best: Our Long International Nightmare Is Over

Our first match this week is the League of Nations vs. the League of Other Nations. It’s Cesaro, Sami Zayn, and Kalisto vs. Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, and Rusev. That’s how empty the League of Nations gimmick is. You can put three random mid-card WWE guys together for one match and they instantly have the same gimmick as League of Nations. Three guys from different countries.

Spoiler Alert: The League of Nations break up tonight, and his match is completely based around that. From the start of the match, the League is having communication problems. They can’t decide who is going to start the match. From there it’s a lot of all three of them trying to tag themselves in and arguing, mixed with some wrestling. It coms to a head when Del Rio is in the ring dominating Sami Zayn. Alberto is warming up the band, about to put Sami away when Rusev tags himself in. Del Rio is not happy about the Bulgarian Brute trying to steal his moment, so this wrestling match becomes a pushing and showing match between the two. Soon, Sheamus comes in and starts pushing and shoving too, and this leads to Alberto Del Rio leaving. I would like to point out a great moment that happens here. While Del Rio and Rusev are pushing each other, Zayn is slowly crawling over to his corner to make a tag. Sheamus sees this and before joining the shoving match with the rest of the League, runs over and pulls Sami back to their side of the ring before he can make the tag. There is never a reason to stop trying to win a match, even if your team is breaking up in the middle of it. It’s still real to Sheamus, dammit.

The match briefly continues before Sheamus and Rusez start shoving again, and this time it’s Rusev who’s had enough and heads to the back, leaving Sheamus alone to face their opponents. Sami finally makes the tag to Kalisto who flies in with a springboard hurricanrana, then follows up with a fantastic looking springboard corkscrew. Sheamus rolls to the outside as Kalisto tags in Cesaro, who jumps to the floor and runs after Sheamus, nailing him with a European uppercut that sends Sheamus into the barricade, a security guard, and a camera man. They get back in the ring and Cesaro is on fire. Sheamus has had enough and walks out on the match, leaving the memory of Wade Barrett alone in the ring. Sheamus is counted out and the League of Nations is no more. After the commercial break, they make it official. The League is backstage arguing when Rusev pushed Del Rio into a door, followed by Sheamus pushing Rusev into the same door. Sheamus says the League is over and that’s that.

Being broken up on Smackdown is the wrestling equivalent of being broken up over text message. The relationship didn’t matter enough to do it in person or on Raw. And that kind of sums up the League of Nations. A group that somehow managed to make their members look weaker when they were together. this break can only be a great thing for all of these guys, including Wade Barrett. I have all the respect in the world for Barrett. It’s not easy to walk away from your dream job, but if you’re not being treated the right way, it’s the right thing to do. Barrett will forever show up on lists of most misused Superstars. It’s a bloody shame that that’s the way his WWE career went down. Then there’s Rusev, a guy who could end up on those same lists if WWE doesn’t do something about him real quick. I don’t know if they fully understand what they have in Rusev. He’s a very unique talent. He’s good in the ring, has a great look, and can be extremely entertaining in a very quirky way. The WWE spent a year building him up, then spent another year tearing him down. Now is really the time to figure out what to do with him before it’s too late. Del Rio probably has a summer of Attitude Adjustments to look forward to once the face that runs the place is back, Jack. So that just leaves Sheamus. What in the world are they going to do with Sheamus? He’s a great wrestler, a four time World Champion, and nobody likes him. When thinking about what Sheamus was doing before the League, it took me a while to remember that he won Money on the Bank last year, and then won the World Title. Looking back, that doesn’t seem to fit into the narrative of WWE events last year. It’s all very forgettable. But it shouldn’t be. Sheamus is not a forgettable wrestler. What do you do with Sheamus?

Worst: !

Damien Sandow is back on Smackdown coming off his big win over Baron Corbin Monday on Raw. I’m assuming he won that match via forfeit when Baron couldn’t compete. That’s how that should work, right? I don’t have the energy to talk about Sandow, and I don’t have anything to say about his situation that you’re not already thinking. It’s nuts. It’s absolutely nuts. I guess we should look on the bright side, at least he’s on TV. My sad, sad TV.

Worst: Father Time, The Real Dirtiest Player In The Game

Speaking of sad TV, Ric Flair is probably the greatest professional wrestler of all time, but it’s probably time for Triple H to come out on Raw and tell all of us that we won’t be seeing Ric Flair anymore. Because he took Flair to live on a beautiful farm upstate, where he is free to run and play with all the other Horsemen. Triple H knows we love Ric and we’ll miss him, but this is what’s best for Ric. Then Triple H takes us all out for ice cream.

The next segment on this week’s Smackdown is the Ambrose Asylum, and this week Dean’s guests are three of the four people involved in the WWE Women’s Title match this Sunday at Payback, Natalya, Charlotte, and Ric Flair. In case you haven’t heard, this segment made news earlier in the week when it was filmed because Ric Flair told Nattie to kill herself. Not something you should tell anyone, ever. But especially not something you should say to a person whose family is associated with so much senseless death and tragedy. Also, incredibly poor taste to say when the death of Chyna is so fresh on everyone’s mind. That being said, it could have been way worse. Take a moment and let your mind run wild with all of the horrible things Ric Flair could have said to Natalya. It’s horrifying. We got lucky folks, but it’s just a matter of time before our luck runs out. I have so many great memories of Ric Flair in his prime, and they are all slowly being replaced with memories of him crying.

Other than that slip-up, which was obviously cut out of the show, the segment is very good and everyone managed to soldier through after the slip-up. They all did a great job selling the Payback match. Charlott’es getting better on the mic all the time and Nattie was fantastic. Her response to Flair telling her to kill herself was priceless. He tells her to kill herself and she says, “settle your tea kettle.” If Flair had said that to Roman Reigns, Roman would have literally punched Flair through his skull. How much better of a response is “settle your tea kettle” than just punching someone in the face? That would have been my favorite moment of the show if it weren’t for the Golden Truth segment coming up. WWE, I would gladly pay $29.99 for a Nattie t-shirt that says “Settle Your Tea Kettle.” So get on that.

Best: So Many Tag Teams, So Little Time

Next it’s Enzo & Cass vs. The Social Outcasts (Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas), with New Day on commentary, Byron Saxton sadly sitting cross-legged on the floor, and the Vaudevillains watching from the ramp. I love all these people and all those things. I just wish this had been longer and more competitive. But there’s a lot of fun Enzo stuff in it, like him flicking boogers at Bo Dallas, and a spot where Enzo is running at Bo in the corner like he’s going to splash him, but instead stops and tags in Cass who comes in, picks up Enzo, and throws him into Dallas. The match ends with Cass launching Enzo onto Axel for the pin while the Vaudevillains look on and golf clap. Another highlight of the segment was New Day on commentary. Not just for the normal New Day reasons either; they weren’t just funny and entertaining, they actually did a really good job of calling the match. I am so excited for Enzo & Cass vs. The Vaudevillains at Payback. It’s such a great opportunity for both of these teams and for tag team wrestling in general. There wasn’t much to this match, but the segment as a while is a great look at how exciting the Tag Team Division is becoming.

Best: Never. Stop. Dancing.

This was my absolute favorite thing on Smackdown, Raw, television, or just life in general. It’s another backstage segment with the Golden Truth. Goldust wants to talk to R-Truth about the future of their tag team. There’s just one problem: R-Truth has found a new Tag Team partner, Tyler Breeze. They’re calling themselves Gorgeous Truth and R-Truth even has his own selfie stick that he’s fashioned out of an actual stick. This all leads to Fandango showing up, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite parts of the show each week. In a perfect world, Goldust and Fandango vs. R-Truth and Tyler Breeze would be added to Payback, but I’ll settle for it happening next week on Smackdown instead. I never knew that was a dream match of mine. You learn something new every Smackdown. Also, how great would it be if a legitimate tag team of Fandango and Tyler Breeze was made out of this whole thing. These guys need to be on TV. They need to be doing something. They would fit right in with the rest of the players of the new Tag Division.

Worst: Two Great Wrestlers In A Perfectly Fine Match

I have a lot to say about this match, but all of it was already said by Brandon on Monday’s Best and Worst of Raw. It was the same match with the same guys and has the same issues.

Worst: Smackdown’s Greatest Hits

Your main event of the evening is WWE World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns vs. Intercontinental Champion The Miz, and it is a cacophony of bad Smackdown tropes. First off, AJ Styles is sitting at ringside watching the match. Has there been a Smackdown this year that didn’t have at least one match if not two where someone one of the competitors is feuding with is sitting ringside in some capacity, whether on commentary or just there chillin’ like AJ is here? They’ve even done it with multiple people at ringside, like Ambrose and Owens during Zayn and Jericho just two weeks ago. The big twist this week is that The Miz doesn’t push Roman Reigns into AJ when the two of them are staring each other down. Second, and this is becoming as common on WWE television as Fonzi was on Happy Days, it’s the Intercontinental Champion, losing a non-title match by a clean pinfall.

The match ends with Miz trying to get Roman Reigns in the Skull Crushing Finale, but while he’s attempting to lock it in, Roman appears to have some sort of seizure, which allows him to somehow shake out of the hold, then after a series of elbows, spear Miz and get the pin. And third, Smackdown ending almost exactly like Raw. Raw ended with Roman and the Bullet Club fighting each other, Smackdown ends with Roman and the Bullet Club fighting each other. Sure, there are little differences… we get a couple of Usos this time, we get more interaction between AJ and Reigns. But for the most part it’s basically the same ending. There’s just no need for this, and I’m sorry but I just don’t accept the amount of hours of television they have to produce every week as an excuse. They have so many characters to work with, so many potential storylines, you don’t have to do the exact same things week after week, show after show. WWE Creative, I am laying out the Justin Donaldson Creative Smackdown Challenge. Can you put together one Smackdown television episode that doesn’t have a champion losing clean in a non-title match, a match a person one of the competitors is feuding with is sitting ringside, or an ending that is similar to that Monday’s Raw? Take the Challenge, Smackdown Creative team. Or to quite Ric Flair, “kill yourself.” Woo!

Until next week, I’m Justin Donaldson, and I watch the Sunny porno for the first time the other night and it made me really sad.

×