Hey friends! It’s time to talk about Ethan Carter III! And other Impact stuff if we have to I guess.
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This week on Impact: Two title matches, a break up, and a dude who has done a million drugs and now lives in the rafters and talks like a Kate Bush song.
Worst: JEAN FIGHT STREET FIGHT
So here we are. Sad sack Abyss in a protracted, halfhearted street fight against former best friend Eric Young while ODB tries to get in on the action and yells a bunch, assumedly killing time while they wait to insert her into a “jealous of the Beautiful People because girls amirite” angle.
What a way to start the show.
The idea, I suppose, is that Abyss will have to be chained to Eric Young (???) during the main event title match, and given his newfound nonsensical relationship with Magnus, is looking to eliminate a threat against his new boss while also exacting a measure of revenge for Eric Young not leaving well enough alone. In execution, Abyss looks tired and sad, Eric Young flops around like a freshly caught trout having a fit, and the storytelling is left in the hands of Mike Tenay and Tazz. Anything that forces you to listen to Impact commentary is generally the worst idea. This is the first in a series of events that makes you step back during the episode and ask “what’s the point?” What is the point of devoting months and months to developing the Joseph Park storyline if the endgame is…nothing. This is meaningless. Shoehorning Abyss into a storyline to put him back on television so we can play out someone’s garbage 2009 TNA e-fed?