The Bills Need Fans To Help Shovel Snow So They Can Play Sunday’s Saddest Game

12.17.16 2 years ago

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The Buffalo Bills are asking fans to take a break from acting like Wildlings in the parking lots and get to work on the field.

The team announced on Saturday morning that it needed workers to help shovel out New Era Field in time for Buffalo’s Sunday afternoon game against the Cleveland Browns. According to a release from the team, fans will be paid $10 per hour and can be punished with Bills tickets if they work too many hours.

Shovelers can shovel snow throughout the day on Saturday and into the night into Sunday if needed. Rate of pay is $10 per hour. Lunch and dinner breaks will be provided throughout the shifts in a comfortable warming area. In addition, a complimentary Bills football game ticket will be given to those that work a four-hour shift or longer.

The Bills have two home games left this year—#billsbrowns this weekend and a Christmas Eve tilt against Miami. With Buffalo “in the hunt” at 6-7 those tickets seem more like punishment than reward for services rendered. If you love yourself and live in Buffalo, don’t go to Orchard Park until the place thaws in spring. Spend time with the family that loves you. Who knows how much time we have left.

The Bills haven’t handled snow very well this season. Last Sunday’s loss against Pittsburgh featured a botched halftime snow removal job. Tractors with brushes kicked up millions of those tiny black rubber pellets that act like “dirt” on artificial turf surfaces, creating giant mounds of the stuff on the sidelines. Officials delayed the second half about 10 minutes because team employees had to shovel up these massive mounds of potentially toxic bits of ground up rubber tire.

So yeah, there’s been a lot of shoveling in Buffalo this week and it’s not just the play on the field that’s been toxic garbage.

All of this is perhaps a sign that the game simply should not happen. Bills/Browns games are a nightmare for which no football fan can prepare. I still think about the 8-0 Browns win in snowy Cleveland in 2007, or the 6-3 nightmare we endured in 2009. The truth is that no one actually won that game. The football is bad and these teams are bad and everyone should feel bad for facilitating such evil in this world.

So sure, if you’re short on holiday cash and don’t value your back health, grab a shovel and have at it. But if the Bills somehow lose to the winless Browns, it’s your fault and I hope a blizzard destroys the town on the East coast of Lake Erie once and for all.

Happy holidays everyone.

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