This Woman At A Baseball Game Is So Done With Everything Already

04.14.16 3 years ago 4 Comments

I don’t know who this woman is. That’s okay because her identity isn’t all that important here. She’s faceless in the figurative sense, just another person in a large crowd trying to decide what to do next. We’ve all been there. She is us, we are her, if you catch the drift.

Who dragged this woman to this baseball game? Clearly she didn’t go on her own accord. What friend, family or significant other dragged this woman to a game she clearly didn’t want to attend?

Or maybe she did go ignorantly. Did she think to herself, “It’s a beautiful April evening! What a perfect time to take in a baseball game and have a couple of cold ones!” only to realize after two innings that there was no “time limit” on baseball? What went through her mind at that very moment?

“Crap, this could go on for hours! Okay, Becca (her name is Becca, by the way), keep it together. Think… think. Your phone! Find a way out. The stadium has Wifi probably. If it doesn’t, I’ll just pay any additional data charges. I don’t care, let’s just get out of here. Okay, here we go: Wait, why is it Is that the same thing? What am I doing? I should Bing this. Wait, never mind. I have a better idea.”

“Siri, how long does a baseball game last?”

“I’ve found three sporting goods stores near you.”


“Okay, no need to panic. No one’s suspected anything yet. No one’s even looking at you. Um…let’s see…the Google app! Yes! ‘How…long… does… a… baseball… game… last?'”

“Nine innings???? Screw it, I’m leaving. Yahoo! Answers, you’ve bailed me out yet again.”


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