10.03.07 11 years ago 24 Comments

Former Barry Bonds mistress Kimberly Bell talked to the New York Daily News to promote her spread in this month's Playboy, and it turns out that Barry Bonds is self-absorbed and did steroids.  These shocking claims come on the heels of everybody already knowing that for the last two to eight years.  But it's always fun to read about how steroids lead to sexual inadequacy:

His body had grown thicker, his back was pocked with acne, his hair had fallen out and his testicles had shriveled when Bonds asked his former mistress if she thought anyone would suspect he was on the juice. "Do I look bloated?" Bonds wanted to know. "Does it look funny? Do you think this is obvious?" …

Their sex life really slumped when Bonds started taking steroids… Bell told Playboy that Bonds suffered from sexual dysfunction, one side effect of steroid use. He tried Viagra several times but didn't like it because it affected his vision and stuffed up his nose…

He became a different person, controlling, threatening and finally violent. "It went from 'I want to know where you are at' to 'I'm gonna f—— kill you. I'm gonna cut your head off and leave you in a ditch.'"

Awww, what a sweetheart.  Ladies, take note: a man doesn't really care until he threatens to take a woman's life.  And to painstakingly cut off a head — that takes real effort.  Any chump can wave a gun in his woman's face on Valentine's Day, but that's just a half-assed attempt at romance.  Real love comes when you can explain her murder in gritty detail, and it involves effort like sawing through vertebrae to complete a decapitation.  I should introduce him to my sister.

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