BREAKING: Kate Upton Attended The Melbourne Cup, Wore A Stupid Hat

While people were busy giving me all sorts of heck over my bewilderment that a pro athlete like Rob Dyrdek would openly flaunt a lot of cash that he won gambling at the Breeders’ Cup while telling people where he could be found in case they wanted to come take that money from him, the Melbourne Cup was going down in Australia (I believe in Melbourne, but sources cannot confirm) yesterday and our favorite 2013 Model of the Year and Eternal Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year, Kate Upton, was in attendance. Why was she there? I have no idea. But I can certainly speculate.

I’m told that a horse by the name of Fiorente won the 2013 Melbourne Cup, making trainer Gai Waterhouse the first Australian woman to train a winner of this prestigious race. But why, then, is Upton holding a trophy in some of these photos? My sources tell me it’s because she’s a kleptomaniac and is now wanted by Interpol for grand theft.

I will update if anything changes, but I believe this report is 100% accurate.

(Images via Getty)