Brian Cashman Finally Told Alex Rodriguez To ‘Shut The F*ck Up’

Senior Writer
06.26.13 3 Comments

As soon as New York Yankees paycheck collector Alex Rodriguez joined Twitter on May 31, I’m sure a lot of people shared a similar version of the thought: “Dude, this is a terrible idea.” I’m not sure what the once-beloved baseball star thought he had to gain by creating an account on the world’s third most hate-filled place, behind YouTube comments and an Alabama-LSU game, but nevertheless he’s on Twitter and updating his 40,000+ followers on his current rehab process.

In fact, his latest Tweet is why were even talking about Torrie Wilson’s boyfriend today.


Harmless enough, you’d think. Except that Yankees GM Brian Cashman isn’t apparently too keen on his players sharing their injury updates via social networking, especially if it’s the guy that he pays the most money for the least production. And bless his heart, Cashman let everyone know how he feels about it.

“You know what, when the Yankees want to announce something, [we will],” Cashman told ESPN New York. “Alex should just shut the f— up. That’s it. I’m going to call Alex now.”

On Monday, Cashman shot down a report that Rodriguez had been given the go-ahead to play in games.

“He has not been cleared by our doctors to play in rehab games yet,” he said. “He’s getting closer. There’s no doubt about it. But we don’t have a date for him to start playing games yet. It could be July 1. It could also be July 5 or maybe June 25.” (Via ESPN New York)

Part of me wonders if this is just extra drama for the sake of trying to find any way out of paying the insanely stupid amount money that A-Rod is still owed ($114 million through 2017, including this year, but who is counting?), but all of me hopes that it’s the start of a new trend. In fact, I’ve written some other phrases that Cashman can use whenever A-Rod eventually does something that pisses him off again, including:

“Go eat a bag of gerbil taint, you worthless sack of farts.”

“You suck more ass than a Beverly Hills lipo clinic.”

“I wouldn’t take a crap on your face if our team doctors said it would return you to 2002 form.”

“What’s the difference between a politician and Alex Rodriguez? A politician doesn’t have to spend half a season on the DL for us to know he’s worthless.”

“God, how does Torrie Wilson have such an incredible pattern of terrible taste in men?”

They’re not all perfect, obviously, but you get where I’m going.

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