“Dildo on the field. There’s a dildo on the field.”
As 2016 comes to a close, there will be plenty of incredible sports moments to remember and celebrate. For some, the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series will top every best-of list, with Kris Bryant’s childlike ear-to-ear grin undoubtedly set to be framed and hung in Cooperstown. For others, a dildo. Specifically, the dildo thrown onto to the field at New Era Stadium during the Buffalo Bills’ Week 8 loss to the New England Patriots.
After all, it’s not often that the league’s best quarterback and an eventual Hall-of-Famer is asked a question about a dildo, let alone answers a question about a dildo, but Tom Brady did just that. Like us, Brady wondered, “How did they get that in the stadium?” We’ll have to wait for that 30 for 30 to find out, but one thing we do know is the fate of the dildo-thrower(s).
Bills' Andy Major on the on-field dildo:
"Luckily nobody was hurt, none of our players stepped on it and blew their knee out"— Brian Mazurowski (@BMaz1) November 23, 2016
Major said the dildo throwers have been banned for life.
— Brian Mazurowski (@BMaz1) November 23, 2016
Apparently the Zapruder tape confirms a second thrower. https://t.co/p1EIvLhpFD
— Brian Mazurowski (@BMaz1) November 23, 2016
Does the punishment fit the crime? It’s never safe to throw anything on the field, and Andy Major, who is the Vice President of Operations and Guest Experience for the Bills, raises an important point. We can laugh about the dildo on the field all we want – and we will – but if someone had stepped on the dildo and torn his ACL, well, that would have been awful.
Except, of course, for the fact that the player (let’s assume it would be Danny Amendola) would forever be known as the guy who was injured when he stepped on a dildo. I guess we’ll never know how we’d react in that situation. Fortunately, dildo-chucking justice has been served.
