You stand there in the cereal aisle at your local grocery store. The aisle feels as if it’s a mile long. You pace back and forth, staring at the hundreds of choices you have in front of you, but you have to choose only one. You mutter about how cereal boxes have gotten smaller since you were a kid, and more expensive. Can you balance a decent sized box with a decent cereal or will you sacrifice flavor for bulk? If you only had signed a $103.8 million dollar contract with $60 million guaranteed this past summer, you could just buy every single box on the shelf and not be forced into this nightmare scenario.
Cam Newton must be thankful then, because that’s pretty much exactly how he rolls now. As exposed by Charlotte Magazine, the Panthers quarterback really, really likes his sugary cereal.
“Lucky Charms. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Snaps. Frosted Flakes. Pops. Apple Jacks. I’m a cereal connoisseur. There’s nothing somebody can tell me about cereal that I haven’t indulged in myself.”
Newton enjoys cereal on ordinary occasions, too, like when he can’t sleep. Or when he wants to relax. Or when he’s hungry for a snack, which, as a 6-foot-5, 245-pound athlete, happens frequently. “I invest so much in cereal,” he says in the way other people might talk about the stock market. “But it’s happiness for me. Of course, you gotta have the extras—like the extra marshmallows; chocolate milk for the Cocoa Puffs to make it extra chocolaty.”
Cam Newton is 26 and has a body that would make Greek gods feel insecure, but you’d never know it from his diet. The man eats cereal like a fiend, at any hour of the day he feels, and they aren’t good cereals. At least, not good-for-you cereals. He’s not eating Wheaties or Multigrain Cheerios. He’s pounding back the Lucky Charms and Coco Puffs. I would bet good money that Mr. Newton has a very friendly relationship with Captain Crunch and the Trix Rabbit probably hates him. He can probably still see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (it’s the cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite). At this point, the most horrific injury that Cam Newton could probably sustain is learning that he’s lactose-intolerant.
Cam also frequents a Chili Dog vendor named Vic “Chili Man” Werany for lunch multiple times per week. He even has call-in orders. Cam Newton has 100 million dollars, and he eats like a 12-year-old who suddenly got 100 million dollars. To be fair, in the article, way at the bottom of the “hot dog” section, it is revealed that he does enjoy vegan chili dogs. On one hand, vegan chili dogs are a crime worthy of a multi-game suspension, but on the other hand, good for him. At least something halfway healthy is going into that chiseled marble statue he calls a body.