11.09.07 10 years ago 31 Comments

A late start today means that this story has spread like a, um, wildfire… but nevertheless, I feel compelled to speak of the plight of one "A.B.," a teenage girl who's suing the St Louis Cardinals for helping spread nasty rumors about her, rumors that spread like, uhhhh, room-temperature butter on a hot piece of toast.

The message appeared on a scoreboard that allows fans to display custom remarks via their cell phones. According to the lawsuit, she was at a game with her high school in May 2006 when a female classmate sent the offending message.

It claimed the plaintiff “has an STD! Eww!” […] Almost all of her friends were at the game, the suit says, and afterwards “boys that she was friends with would no longer associate” with her.

There's an entire treatment clinic full of jokes I could tell here, but since it's the USMC birthday, I'll share a story instead: a Marine I knew came home early from a six-month deployment on a MEU because he got an STD in his eye.  He had brokered a deal with a Thai hooker and wore a condom during the act, but it was hot in the room, and it's not like you stop having sex to wash your hands when you wipe sweat out of your eyes.

So keep that in mind when you go to Thailand: condoms are essential, but don't forget rubber gloves and goggles too.  It sounds like a lot of work, but you should already have those on hand if you're planning ahead to get rid of the body. 

[Deadspin and everyone else] 

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