CFL Politely Cracks Down On HGH

Senior Writer
07.01.10 6 Comments

Happy Canada Day from your good friends at With Leather! And what better way to celebrate your love of back bacon and loyalty to the queen than with some news of Canada’s national pastime? No, not moose wrestling, but proufessional foutball. The Canadian Football League has announced that it will strengthen league drug-testing policies and procedures to crack down on steroid and human growth hormone use. That is, if you’re OK with that, eh?

The league will surprise players with random screenings for a grocery list of possible drug violations – including everything from ephedrine to stanozolol – and advance notice will not exceed 24 hours, as to really catch those hosers off guard. The inclusion of hGH is a first for professional football, as the NFL has been pushing for the players union to cave in and allow it. Current NFL testing procedures include a piece of paper with “Are you taking hGH?” written on it, followed by a lot of winking.

Pass the delicious maple syrup, Pro Football Talk:

The new program includes blood testing for hGH, something that the NFL wants to use on its own players.

But the penalty provisions pale in comparison to the NFL’s policy. In Canada, a first-time offender gets counseling and mandatory testing; in the NFL, one positive test results in a four-game suspension. Under the CFL’s program, a three-game suspension comes only after the second positive result.

That’s right, CFL fans. If your favorite player is tested and is positive for hGH, his punishment is to be tested again, before he would face an actual suspension. Upon third violation, players will have to live at team facilities instead of their lavish two-story igloos, and a fourth violation earns a stern talking to from the prime minister.

Between 80 and 100 players will be randomly selected for this testing process, which is remarkable in that I had no clue there were that many players in the CFL. Seriously, I had just figured that if Cleo Lemon is a starting QB then it’s like a 3-on-3 coed flag football league.

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