Chael Sonnen Is Full of Drugs And Out Of A Fox Sports Job

“The American Gangster” Chael P. Sonnen, has been fired from his UFC analyst position after more results about his positive drug test in June have surfaced. Sonnen was scheduled to face fellow The Ultimate Fighter Brasil 3 coach, Wanderlei “The Axe Murderer” Silva, but a slew of problems surrounding the pre-fight drug testings scuttled those plans.

Initially, Wanderlei essentially fled from the creepy-looking urine collector and avoided the drug test, pulling him from the bout. Then, it turned out Chael had tested positive for anastrozole and clomiphene. Sonnen, being Sonnen, claimed that he was taking the banned substances “out of competition” in order to boost his fertility so that he might father a child. Despite his attempts at becoming a family man, he was pulled from the UFC 175 card, and subsequently announced he had retired from MMA.

Now, it’s been discovered that Chael also tested positive for EPO and HGH, making him more drug than man at this point. Following this discovery, Fox Sports One and the UFC have decided to terminate Sonnen’s analyst and broadcasting contract. I guess it’s okay for the voice of the UFC to be an advocate of marijuana and hallucinogenics, and essentially hate women, but Zuffa can’t have a guy who remains in studio taking a bunch of PEDs.

Also, if you can prove that the hype portion at the end of the prelims before the PPV starts, known affectionately as BALD MAN SHOUT TIMES, isn’t fueled by Joe Rogan and Dana White both consuming a flyweight worth of cocaine, I’ll eat my papakha.

As things shake out, and Chael’s status as a competitor in the upcoming Metamoris 4 grappling competition against Andre Galvao still being determined, let us never forget Sonnen’s greatest moment as a UFC analyst – placing a gypsy curse on Travis Browne that “Hapa” has never recovered from.