The Cheesehead Bed, For Packers Fans Who Never Want To Get Laid Again

Pro Wrestling Editor
10.29.12 9 Comments

Straight from the bowels of SkyMall’s version of Hell comes Verlo Mattress Factory’s CHEESEHEAD BED, advertised as the “World’s First,” a “customized fan experience that combines a good night sleep with championship football, perfect for the die-hard fans of the Green Bay Packers”. At first, you’re probably like, “that’s cool, I’ll buy that for my 6-year old, he loves football,” but no, that bed is pretty clearly being enjoyed by the two worst adults in America.

The Cheesehead Bed (created, I’m assuming, by a guy whose “go down on me wearing the Cheesehead” fetish got boring) isn’t just a novelty item … it’s a continued novelty existence. For example, it doesn’t have a standard retail price. If the Packers win, the bed is $599. If they don’t, it’s $799. A clear message to football fans: only support your team if they’re winning.

They’ve also enlisted the help of LeRoy Butler to orchestrate a Facebook contest to see who can put the most cheese in their bedroom. These are sentences that I am typing for real.

As part of the launch, Verlo is also introducing the “Who has the Cheesiest Bedroom?” Facebook contest. Scheduled to run November 1 through November 30, the lucky fan who submits a photo of the cheesiest bedroom will receive a free Cheesehead Bed delivered by former Green Bay Packers safety LeRoy Butler, the founder of the world famous Lambeau Leap.

“I love the entire idea behind the Cheesehead Bed,” said Butler. “Wisconsinites love their football and their cheese, so combining them both with a good night’s sleep from Verlo is a win for everyone.”

While a novelty product, the Cheesehead Bed is a legitimate, high-quality sleep product featuring the same comfort and support as Verlo’s other customized mattresses.

I would buy this if it came with a t-shirt with “THE CHEESEHEAD BED IS LEGITIMATE” across the front.

Would you sleep on a gigantic block of cheese? Would you buy a bed to use as a couch during Packers games? Why not make a couch that looks like a block of cheese instead? And furthermore, are the Packers the only team that get novelty beds? I want a glow-in-the-dark Seahawks bed, or a Steelers bed with striped sheets and weird, tan legs. Why not make a Michael Vick Eagles bed? You lock yourself into it with your girlfriend and the last person moving wins.

I’m kidding on that last one. You could never make a Michael Vick bed, people would just keep falling out of it.

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