A Chess Grandmaster Faces A 15-Year Ban After Creatively Cheating Against His Opponent

When Georgian chess champion Gaioz Nigalidze ran to the bathroom after making his first move of a Dubai Open match, nobody thought much of it (presumably). After all, it’s not that uncommon to take a break for something as mentally strenuous as chess. But Nigalidze continued his parade to the bathroom, going after every single move. Finally, his opponent wondered what the hell was going on, and he asked tournament organizers to look into it.

Turns out, Nigalidze was a big, fat cheater.

When officials first checked Nigalidze, they didn’t find any device on him, the club said. But after looking into the bathroom stall he visited, they found the smartphone hidden in toilet paper.

At first, Nigalidze claimed the smartphone wasn’t his, the Dubai chess organization said. But the phone was logged on to a social media network under his account.

“They also found his game being analyzed in one of the chess applications,” the chess club said.

Nigalidze tried to deny that the phone was his, but nobody fell for that defense. That’s like trying a King’s Gambit against a… oh, never mind.

Anyway, the moral of the story here is pretty simple: Don’t cheat. But if you’re going to cheat, don’t be horrible at it. Also, don’t pretend like you have diarrhea.