04.03.08 10 years ago 31 Comments

Chris Henry surrendered to police and is now cooling his heels in jail (The clink!  The buttfarm!  The hoosegow!  The Ironbar Hotel!) on assault charges.  I have to admit, his mug shot (via PFT) isn't too bad at all.  I guess that's what happens when you have enough practice.

The talk now is whether Roger Goodell will (a) buy Henry's claim of mistaken identity or (b) banish him… from the league…FOREVAHHHHHH.  The latter would be quite an accomplishment, seeing as how Henry has yet to turn 25.  Asshole wide receivers usually need the better part of a decade and 2-3 teams before they thoroughly establish a horrible reputation.  Let's look at how he got here:

  • December '05: Speeding, marijuana possession, no valid driver's license or auto insurance
  • January '06: Multiple gun charges in Orlando, including assault with a firearm, while wearing his #15 jersey (Ed. Note: Oh, bravo). Plead guilty.
  • May '06: Investigated in sex crime.  No charges were ever filed.
  • June '06: Arrested for DUI.  Charges dismissed when defense proved breathalyzer was faulty.
  • September '06: Teammate Odell Thurman gets a DUI.  Henry, a passenger, vomits out the window.
  • October '06: NFL levies two-game suspension
  • January '07: Pleads guilty to giving minors alcohol the previous spring.
  • April '07: Suspended for first eight games of '07 season.
  • June '07: Henry and teammate Reggie McNeal allegedly assault a 16-year-old boy.  The charges were deemed unfounded and dismissed.
  • November '07: Accused of assaulting a valet at Newport on the Levee.  No charges were filed, but Henry is banned from returning.
  • April '08: Assault charges

I can totally relate.  One time I came out of a crowded bar at closing time, and a cop gave me a stern look and said, "All right, let's keep it moving."  Phew, close one!

UPDATE: The Bengals have cut Chris Henry…. WITH A KNIFE!  No, not really.  He's just not on the team any more.

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