Coldplay, perhaps the musical embodiment of the term “milquetoast,” have been tabbed to be the official halftime entertainment of Super Bowl 50 (also known as The One Without Roman Numerals, if it were a Friends episode) in February. Coldplay are neither a classic band like The Who or the Rolling Stones, nor a hot younger artist like Katy Perry. Needless to say, their selection infuriated pretty much everybody.
The one good thing you can say about the Coldplay choice is that they allow everyone to hurl their best insults with impunity. They’re wildly rich, white males whose relevance peaked a decade ago, perhaps more, and never extended beyond benign acceptance anyway. (Who’s next? Owl City?) Nobody but diehard Coldplay fans (anybody?) cries for Coldplay.
There were also a few Gwyneth-based jokes out there, but this pretty much covers the important part.
Those are all good and clever burns on Coldplay, but they’re from good and clever people. There are tons of folks out there without the wherewithal to put together a sick zinger, but are still upset that Coldplay were picked above many, MANY more deserving candidates (even Diarrhea Planet — actually a really good band, but come on — would have garnered a more positive reaction). This is the (fake) story of one of them.
Anyway, good job Roger Goodell, you never fail to draw the witty ire of NFL fans on Twitter.