Cole Hamels Is Now Much Richer Than You

In a deal that really shouldn’t have surprised anyone, lest a team were willing to deliver an entire bus full of MLB-ready pitching prospects to City of Brotherly Love, the Philadelphia Phillies have agreed to a new deal with lefty Cole Hamels that will make him the second-richest pitcher in Major League Baseball, behind C.C. Sabathia. At a press conference today, Hamels will probably show up in a tuxedo made of money to announce his new 6-year, $144 million deal to remain with Philly.

And there’s not really much else to say about this deal, other than it’s great, because if it weren’t the Phillies, another team would have probably paid Hamels even more. Phils fans deserved some good news, too, as they’re languishing in last place in the NL East while watching the Miami Marlins, who they trail by a game and a half, clean house in a most, well, Marlins kind of way. Seriously, they just gave Hanley Ramirez away. I know he sucks, but there had to have been a more desperate team.

Regardless, while a late season push by the Phillies seems far-fetched, we know stranger things have happened, so maybe this will provide a little boost for the team that now has a small fortune wrapped up in 1/6 of the team’s payroll. But I won’t let a thing like money get in the way of making our friends at Zoo With Roy go photoshop and GIF crazy.