Chicago’s Police Scanner Paints A Stupid And Frightening Portrait Of Cubs Fans Celebrating

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Have you heard the big news? The Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series! After 108 years of being baseball’s punchline, the Cubbies have dumped that burden off on the Cleveland Indians, the team they just defeated in an epic Game 7. Naturally, as the North Side’s most faithful (and probably wealthier) fans partied in Cleveland – like John Cusack, who was reportedly vaping on the field like a champion – those back home in Chicago sprinted to Wrigley Field as the night wore on and the Cubs maintained a lead for most of the game.

Obviously, things got pretty tense in the 8th inning, after Aroldis Chapman gave up a game-tying two-run shot to Rajai-freaking-Davis, of all people, but when the rain delay was over and a smilin’ Kris Bryant tossed the ball to Anthony Rizzo for the final out of the World Series, the fans celebrated like the world was ending. (After all, there was a chance that might have happened, too.)

But then, as expected when dealing with hammered bros and psychotic fans who have waited their whole lives for this moment, sh*t got weird. Then it got awful. Let’s allow the Chicago police scanner’s twitter feed to walk us through the night’s stupidity and shameful fan behavior.

At this point, I’m just picturing World War Z.

Why? Why climb anything? Climbing is so stupid. The ground is the best place to be! I bet this guy agrees:

But it gets dumber.

And way more dangerous.

And obviously no car was safe, because nothing says celebrating the World Series like destroying some poor, random person’s automobile.

Now, you’d think that eventually the idiots would wear themselves out and head home to pass out so they can resume their lives the following day, but nah. They needed to refuel.

Then it was time for the explosives…

And the final act always involves the Randy Marshes of the city taking on the authority.

We will certainly follow up once all of the arrest numbers and damage totals are in.