The Cowboys Attempted The ‘Mannequin Challenge’ And Jerry Jones Was Terrible At It

I just want to warn you now — the Mannequin Challenge is going to end you. You survived Tebowing and the Harlem Shake, but this is going to be the one that causes you to cut yourself off from society and live in a mud hut in the woods. Each Mannequin Challenge is either the same as the one you just saw or somehow worse despite it being the most simple premise ever.

If you’re an old, you may not even know what this is. The Mannequin Challenge was invented in 1987 by Andrew McCarthy, who really wanted to have sex with a mannequin in the movie Mannequin. I’m foggy on the details, but eventually the mannequin, played by Kim Cattrall, comes to life and sex is had. The Mannequin Challenge was accepted and conquered. Estelle Getty was there too.

Today’s Mannequin Challenge is a thing every sports team is going to do until it runs through all the sports teams, so figure this fad passes in like eight years. You’re going to see video of the Potomac State Fart Mongers doing this in 2019 and you’ll have to humor your co-worker who emails it to you, then comes to your desk to make sure you got it so you can watch it together. When historians look back on the Mannequin Challenge, they will determine it was the No. 1 cause of The Purge becoming a reality.

Anyway, back to the Cowboys. The players did one that was fine. It’s sort of hard to screw up. “Stand completely still for 30 seconds.” You can train puppies to do it so it shouldn’t be hard to get Tony Romo to do it. Just tell him it’s the playoffs and he’ll freeze right up. Every single one of these videos is the same. The effect wears off by the second one you see but hold on, here comes Kevin to your desk to show you one a minor-league hockey team did. Quick, pretend to faint so you can get out of work.

The problem with these videos is when people can’t execute them. You know how hard these are to screw up? But leave it to Jerry Jones and an ownership group that thought signing Greg Hardy was a good idea to botch it right up by trying to do one while the plane was in flight. Everyone in this video is shaking because that’s what happens when you’re inside a metal bird traveling 800 mph. You tremble. They could have done this before takeoff or after landing, but these idiots chose to do it at the worst possible time and they think it’s great. Everyone on this plane makes more money than you.

Even worse, my beloved New York Giants did this. Is it better than the Cowboys owners one? Sure. They’d have to do it on inside a bouncy castle for it to be any dumber. But at one point, you see one of the Giants trainers blink. Dude, you’re on camera for like two seconds. Can you not blink during that tiny window?

The one that’s really going to be great is in 2018 when the Australian Rules Football Under-22 Women’s team does it in the outback and you’re all, “Mannequins down under!”

I miss Colin Kaepernick takes. Let’s go back to that.

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