David Beckham Finally Has A Reason To Live

When it comes to Major League Soccer, the Los Angeles Galaxy have been the equivalent of the New York Yankees, displaying no shame in paying top dollar to bring in the biggest soccer players in the game. In the past 5 years, the Galaxy have shelled out big bucks for Robbie Keane, David Beckham and America’s favorite balding baller, Landon Donovan. Combined, the three stars make a ridiculous $12.2 million.

*checks numbers again, slides beads on abacus, punches “80085” on Texas Instruments graphing calculator*

Yup, a whopping $12.2 million between the three of them. Way to break the bank, Steinbrenner.

Regardless, the Galaxy have been criticized for essentially trying to buy a title, and good for them because it finally paid off. Led by their Big 3, the Galaxy defeated the Houston Dynamo by a ridiculous 1-0 to win the MLS Cup, as millions of Americans finally caved and bowed down to their new soccer gods. Or they probably watched “Family Guy.” One or the other.

But the big winner was David Beckham, who came to the U.S. as a poor, unknown British man looking to make it in America and fulfill his dream of being a footballer on the world’s biggest stage. Accompanied by his demure, modest wife, Victoria, David has been the epitome of hard work and perseverance as he has shied away from the public spotlight and simply been a man of the people.

Life has been very tough for David Beckham, which is why we are happy to honor him today as a champion. For the first time in his life, Beckham knows success.

(Photos via Getty.)

The combined total salary of the rest of the Galaxy: $-48.50.

Beckham was later able to convince the MLS Cup to have a threeway with the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

I loved Bruce Arena as the lead Vogon in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Landon Donovan is wearing his classy socks.

“Quick sire, don’t forget your poon magnet.”

Every group has the ugly friend.

David Beckham’s kids will be free from harm and danger so long as their velociraptor is present.

OK, so it’s pretty nice to be David Beckham.

But maybe not as nice as it is to be Robbie Keane.