The DeMar DeRozan Birthday Cake Says Everything You Could Possibly Say About DeMar DeRozan

I can’t in good conscience call Toronto Raptors guard DeMar DeRozan’s birthday cake the worst athlete birthday cake ever — that designation goes to Stevie Johnson’s ass cake forever and always — but good God, is it marvelously awful.

Take a quick look at this thing, and I’ll try to explain it.

Via Facebook:

Okay, so … okay, so here’s everything I can find on the cake.

1. DeRozan’s jersey, complete with Canadian maple leaf
2. The Toronto Raptors “raptor dribbling a basketball” logo (obviously)
3. Half a basketball
4. DeMar’s name in graffiti font
5. A shoe, in its entirety
6. Eazy-E’s Compton hat
7. His age, presented in an announcement circle

What this teaches us is that DeMar DeRozan is 24 years old, appreciates classic hip-hop iconography, likes basketball and … uh, wears shoes. What I do not see:

1. Anything resembling cake
2. Candles

I guess they do things differently when you’re a rich 24-year old in Canada. Justin Bieber’s next birthday cake will probably just be a hummer limo with a package of snowballs in the trunk.

[h/t to Sportress]