Derek Jeter Hates Confrontation

Derek Jeter is not a normal person. He didn’t get to be the captain of the fabled New York Yankees franchise by being an average baseball player. Wait, actually, I think he did. What am I talking about again?

Oh, right. According to the New York Post, the shortstop has rented a new apartment at the Trump World Tower, the same building where he already owns a $20 million apartment because he has some noisy neighbors and their home construction disturbed his rest. Maybe he was too busy building a mansion to just walk upstairs and tell them to knock it the hell off.

Jeter’s new 2,087-square-foot sleep aid costs him a whopping $15,500 per month, and features two bedrooms and three bathrooms.

Jeter is paying almost $16,000 a month to avoid having to live out the movie “Duplex.” The Post goes on to say that Jeter moved into the new place but still couldn’t get to sleep, tossing and turning throughout the night despite buying twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds. It turns out his landlord placed a single pea beneath the beds to test Jeet’s legitimacy as a princess. Whoops!

I like to think this is how Jeter deals with actresses, too. He’s sleeping with Scarlett Johansson until she starts making too much noise and disturbing his slumber, so he spends $20 mil and moves into Minka Kelly.